coming out of my shell

coming out of my shell

Saturday, July 23, 2016

The more things change

Politics stink! Each side would have us believe the world will end if their candidate doesn't win. I understand dehumanizing one's opponent is part of the game. And don't misunderstand me, I feel quite strongly about my own preference for the next president. And okay, make me say it: I don't like her opponent. However, I dislike the "fear and loathing" that politics invoke even more. I have had all I can take. From here on in, I refuse to hate. Can you stand it?

I am amazed when people believe the most outrageous lies that each side spreads about the other. So few of us want to listen to the facts. It is wrong, there is no justification for it. It would be a better world if we all made our political decisions based on our heads (intellect) instead of our hearts (belief system). I'm going to start with me.


I think back to the first presidential campaign I can remember. It was when John F. Kennedy was running against Richard Nixon in 1960. I suppose it is imprinted on my mind because JFK was Catholic and I was a Catholic school girl in 1960. We were all so proud that a Catholic was running for president, which was unheard of at the time. It was a different world and there was still deep distrust for Catholics left over from the freakin' Middle Ages! I am NOT kidding. Hate runs long and deep.

I was Roman Catholic because that was how my mother was raised. Her form of Catholicism was very European. Her grandparents immigrated to the U.S.A. from France and Germany between 1850 - 1860. They settled in a large German Catholic community near Chicago.

My father's people were as Protestant as Protestant can be. His ancestors arrived in the Colonies between 1625 and 1714 from England, Germany, Scotland, Wales, Ireland, and France. My paternal grandparents were raised Southern Baptist in Kentucky and Tennessee. When they moved up North in the 1920's, they joined a Pentecostal Protestant church.

FYI, I am proud of both sides of my family and their historically different but equally profound cultural traditions. Each family had an original immigrant to America at some point in time. I try to never forget that. It was interesting growing up in a complex and diverse family.


My paternal grandfather distrusted Catholics. It was hard for him when his son converted to Catholicism to marry my mother in the 1940's. My paternal grandparents were Democrats until JFK got the Democratic nomination for president in 1960.  Then they became conservative Republicans because my grandfather refused to vote for a Catholic. I guess the idea that a Catholic would run for president made them feel like the world was changing too much. They probably felt threatened, left out. They were used to having leaders who were just like them. They thought if a Catholic became president then he would start persecuting Protestants and the Pope would become the de facto president. It sounds so silly and hard to imagine now, but that was what many people actually "believed" back then.

I was 9 years old. I was trying to understand religion, politics, and family dynamics even though my heart was aching. I was confused and a little frightened to see the people I loved at odds with each other. Luckily, both my mother and my paternal grandmother went out of their way to remain friends. They did their best to reassure us children that no matter who became president, or what church we went to, we would still be a family. It was a great example of how to respect someone you don't necessarily agree with. 

My paternal grandmother was a different age, religion, and political persuasion than me. She was also a huge influence on my life. There was not much we agreed on as I grew older and the 1960's Culture Wars ensued. However, I knew she loved me and I knew there was no ideology or barrier to that love. I also knew not to discuss religion or politics with her. 

Grandma goofing around with two of her granddaughters in 1962


16 comments:

  1. Your family background is somewhat like mine, Danish, German, French, English. Roman Catholic upbringing. 2nd and 3rd generation immigrants. But I think they weren't nearly as nice as yours.
    I dislike politics, mostly for the reason that it disrupts the viewing of the few television programs that I actually tune into....I know! I am sooo shallow :)
    But in truth, it is the opponent thing that gets me. Like two boxers fighting it out in the ring. You're rooting for one, but hello...they are both beating the shit out of each other. Both drawing blood. And when you look at the audience with their fists raised and the fury in their eyes as they scream at the other side and each other and their "hero", it all seems very much the same, politics and professional boxing. A little crazed.
    I had a friend once who, during a campaign and the ensuing years in office, cut Laura Bush to shreds, bloody shreds every time she spoke of her. Even though George was certainly not my candidate, I could not actually HATE him or his wife. Hate?? We stopped being friends long ago.
    Trump is frightening, dangerous. This is a poisoned mind that we are watching.
    BUT, we created him. This capitalistic, grab as much as you can, compete with your neighbor, polluting and egotistical country, created him.
    That is not to ignore all the great and wonderful things about this country, but just as the scales have (for as much as we know) tipped on the wrong side of global warming, so they have, perhaps, tipped on the wrong side of morality and decency. I hope this one can be tipped back the other way.
    I don't mean to be all cliched here, but perhaps it's only a woman that can tip it back.

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    1. The only reason my family might seem nicer than yours is because I don't write about the bad stuff, ha! I write about the two women who made a difference, the two people who were the best part of my childhood - my Mom and my paternal Grandmother.

      As for the scales tipping, I could not agree more. Moral standards and courtesy are at an all time low. I worry about that.

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  2. Thinking back over both sides of my family, it was mothers and grandmothers who glued the families together with the similarities, not the differences. And my family was blended German Baptist and Irish Catholic.

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    1. Baptist and Catholic made for an interesting mix, I think. My Mom and Grandma always looked for common ground. They ended up as close as mother and daughter, and I have to give the most credit to my Grandma for that. She had an infinitely loving heart. She made my mother feel welcome and accepted.

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  3. I so appreciate your points here. The main truth for me about politics is this: whenever I start listening to people on either side, I end up disliking human beings. Some people seem to gain energy from such discussions. They shut me down.

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    1. Thanks Jocelyn. It shuts me down, too. I really don't enjoy disliking or disrespecting people who are different than me. I want to believe one can take a stand, vote one's choice, and still walk away feeling like a good person when the dust settles.

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  4. I was baptised and had my confirmation in the protestant church but that was just tradition, my family went to church on xmas and only while we were small. My parents looked down on the poor ignorant people who would believe in any form of religious mumbo jumbo. So with that background plus the rebel mindset of the mid 1970s, I arrived at my catholic Irish future in-laws house ready to snatch their only son from them. And I was blown away by their kindness and open hearts. They did try (and fail) to have me converted/saved and their fear of losing their son to this heathen was very obvious and got worse when I became pregnant without a single church blessing. The family priest was recalled from his outpost in what was then apartheid South Africa but he deemed me inappropriate or possibly a lost case and totally ignored me and my pregnant bump. My mother in law eventually agreed that seeing how happy we were, god must love us after all. And that was that.
    We never baptised our child and they gracefully never mentioned it. However, when she was 12 and on a visit to Ireland by herself, granddad persuaded the local priest to break some rules (e.g. parental consent) and had her baptised during midnight mass before easter sunday. My daughter arrived home with her pockets full of holy medals and pictures of saints and money, all given to her by weeping old ladies after mass. I am afraid that has been her only religious involvement to date.


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    1. A kind and loving mother-in-law is a joy forever! I had a good one, too. I have a similar story to tell of not baptizing T and my daughter and the anxiety it provoked in my parents. I heard through the family grapevine that my convert Dad took it upon himself to baptize her (as a baby) when they had her alone. Having been raised a Protestant he didn't even see the need to have a priest do it. Always a rule breaker, that one.

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  5. I am always reminded of and Andrew Sheperd (from An American President) quote. More and more, elections are about personalities not policies.

    And don't even get me started at religion and politics.

    The baptism tales reminds me of the "All in the Family" episode where Archie took grandson Joey to be baptized.

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    1. Unfortunately, my father was a lot like Archie Bunker, except neither as endearing nor as funny.

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  6. I just spent a week at Mt. Shasta and "My Stroke of Insight" was the book I took along with me. Great book, by the way. Highly recommend. Neuroanatomist who had and recovered from a stroke. She makes the point that we are feeling people who think - not other way around. (Read book for details so you don't have wade through my poor summary here, lol.) Important to honor the truth of emotions and right brain. I think asking people to make decisions on head not heart is ultimately not only unhelpful but impossible. As much as we may lean on one hemisphere or another or seek refuge in feeling or thinking, we all rely on and integrate both. So how then can we use both in understanding things more deeply and making wise decisions? This, I think, is the task. Lately I see how whatever we do that bugs the crap out of me is essentially an immature version of something that could be really good. Such as the whole effort to assign blame. Assign blame is an immature version of finding causation. The effort to find causation is not a bad thing. It's led us to a lot of great discoveries. Of course, if we overly focus on it - as our culture does - we wind up in trouble. So the "mature" version of "seeking causation" integrates our capacity for holding mystery and remaining neutral about what we see or don't see. Hmm... now I'm thinking that cultivating neutrality may be the key for so much of this stuff. Can we stand back and try to be neutral about things as look at it or feel it? That's hard! But super helpful, I think. As to this particular election, it's some of those elections in which a lot of stuff is at the surface - a great time to really see and work with stuff. Hard but a great opportunity. Similar to when Lincoln was elected. "Team of Rivals" by Doris Goodwin (name?) is another fabulous book I highly recommend. That time period has many parallels to now. Stuff that has always been there has been unearthed - as after a field has been plowed. Now we decide what to do. Pick out the stones? Add compost? Plant seeds? Which seeds? We have many choices - not all of them pleasant, easy, or likely to bring "good" outcomes, but choices nonetheless. I hope many of us will work together to pick out the stones and plant seeds that will lead to a good harvest for our people. In the meantime, I come back to one of my favorite quotes "Everything is perfect AND there is always room for improvement." Suzuki Roshi. Of course, hard to live with that truth, lol. I'm an impatient person by nature so while I preach neutrality I do not always walk my talk! ;-) ZC/tree

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    1. Thanks Tree C, interesting stuff. You've given me a lot to think about.

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  7. My family were Irish Catholics who were very religious and conservative. We waited for hours to see JFK give a speech in our town. He was held up by the number of people who lined the highways as his motorcade passed by. This was not after his successful election, but rather during his campaign. I remember the religious controversy, but his charisma was able to overcome that. The 60's were interesting times and our country changed dramatically. it was because of the media which brought the world into our living rooms then and has now given us Trump. I have been called a bleeding-heart liberal but now hate all politics because of what has been going on these past years and all the hate that has taken over and divided us. I am disgusted with all the lies and the hateful rhetoric, andthis election, which I thought would be an easy one, is the worst I have ever witnessed in my life. How could we have come to this? How could one person bring out all the awfulness that is in the hearts of too many Americans? These are very sad times for our country and I fear the outcome and for the future of my children and grandchildren.

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  8. SOAC-M, for some reason I am unable to simply reply to your comment. Your thoughts are right on. These times are starting to remind me of the turmoil of the 60's. No pain, no gain... I just hope when the dust settles this decade has as much positive impact as the 60's.

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  9. Yup, similar backgrounds. Looking back today, it's hard to believe Catholicism and Protestantism were such a huge issue. Wish that's all we had to worry about today.
    And just let me say...I don't like her opponent either:)

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So, whadayathink?