coming out of my shell

coming out of my shell

Tuesday, September 13, 2016

Being Home

We have been living in this house for a little over two years, and in Central Florida for 2 1/2. I love being close enough to my daughter and her family to babysit and go to school functions for the grandchildren. I like living someplace where it never snows and palm trees grow. I am also fascinated by alligators. My life is full to bursting and I am happy with this big change. 

However, I won't lie. In the past 3 years I retired, gave up my work persona, moved from the liberal north to the conservative south, and left our old home with acreage, dark forests, and beloved perennial gardens. In Florida we became strangers in a strange land. We adjusted to a different climate, learned about different flora and fauna, and started living in a freakin' neighborhood in a subdivision, dontcha know! 

Happy or not, I had a hard time adjusting to all these changes. Change can be traumatic. T and I had too many big life changes in a relatively short amount of time. He can roll with the punches, but it takes me a while to recover AND I want to hit back. It was probably not the best way to manage the first months of retirement. Still, it has been worth the struggle.

I expected it to be hard. I have been through big changes before. The knowledge of what to expect helped me prepare for and cope with this move. From experience I knew the unfamiliar would eventually become familiar if I just waited long enough. I did. It has. 


Like almost everyone else in the U.S.A., I descend from pioneers and immigrants. I recently read that trauma has a generational impact on families. The desire to move far away and start over is probably encoded in my DNA. I crave change even as I fear it. I have moved (or changed jobs) many times, always excited and happy to be starting over. This, in spite of the fact that I always know it won't be easy and will probably push me over the edge.

I grew up in Northern Indiana. My family moved to the Pacific Northwest when I was in middle school, and then we moved back to Northern Indiana three years later. I took off for San Francisco at 18, when that was the thing to do. With a few notable stops and starts in between, T and I, with toddler M in tow, eventually ended up in The Finger Lakes Region of New York State. We settled in, building an adult life and raising our daughter. I am not sure how well we managed the adult thing, but we did manage to raise our daughter. Then we retired and like all good New Yorkers we moved to Florida. I am not convinced this is our last move together.

I just tried to count up all the homes I have lived in during my life. I am only referring to the places I actually moved all my belongings into. I came up with 26. I might try writing about some of these homes. It would be fun, with plenty of social and cultural history.

This is a big country, and the last thing you would call it is homogeneous. It is a country of diverse regionalism. I find regionalism interesting, even though it is complex, often unwelcoming, and sometimes dangerous. I like to imagine having had the experience of living from sea to shining sea gives me an edge of sorts. I want to explore that edge without falling off the end of the world.








24 comments:

  1. I would have loved the adventure of moving often when I was under 40, but now I love stability and being around people I have known for what seems like forever. I did not slip into retirement easily because I missed familiar people. The job, though, I did not miss. You are very fortunate to have had all these opportunities and I am sure you have had lots of interesting times and many stories to tell.

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    1. I envy people who "stay put." There is a great beauty to putting down deep roots, and I'm often drawn to people who do.

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  2. absolutely a wonderfillled story you have to share Colette. I too am a gypsy. a nomad. I get bored easily and find (finally) that in my art, i can create, feel, experience the change i need, in myself and for myself. it is kind of like how fun and exciting it is to sit at a swanky restaurant at noon on a sunday with my best friend who has gone through hell and back with me, and two of our most precious wonderful friends, visting from another planet, drinking two for one mimosa's and savoring a variety of dim sum type snacks. you get to choose what looks good, share with others, give it to someone else if by chance you didn't like it, tell stories, laugh and give gifts of appreciation and know you are loved. life is like dim sum.

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  3. I want so badly to live in different places in my life. I begin to despair of ever getting to now that I'm past 40...my husband is settled in a career, I'm an only child with parents 30 miles away who may need help one day. I still long to travel and see the world.

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    1. You never know what might happen next. First, I'm waiting for you to find your dream job - one with lots of benefits and plenty of vacation time. That will happen. Then you can travel over vacations.

      It is hard being an only child (I'm the third of seven), or so my daughter tells me. I think she is right. It puts a big burden on just one child.

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  4. We silly Europeans tend to think of the US as all the same but you reminded me just now that it is not and moving 26 times means finding 26 different roots in new places! Wow! Yes please write about these different homes!

    I moved 12 times on three continents and now my daughter started talking about us joining her on continent no. 4 when we retire. The idea - and that's all it is to date, I swear - is thrilling and terrifying at the same time.

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    1. 12 times on three continents is pretty spectacular, especially when I happen to know you once lived in paradise.

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    2. Living close to our daughter, son-in-law, and grandchildren was the most satisfying, challenging, and meaningful move we ever made. Being the old folks in this current scenario gives our lives purpose at a time when we really need a purpose. Being a full time grandparent and support to my daughter beats the HELL out of working for a living. It is a bit lonely and disconcerting at times, but what can I say? We are relevant. It doesn't get much better than that.

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  5. A familiar tale, it sounds much like my life... am still in the 'adjusting' stage, however. You can drop by for soup any ole time. =D

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    1. Where do you live? :) That pizza soup on your recent blog is right up my alley. Seriously, the "adjusting stage" is rough and takes a long time. I feel your pain.

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  6. Wow. I bet there are indeed stories to tell.

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    1. There are always stories. Wouldn't it be fun if a bunch of bloggers started writing about the home they grew up in?

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    2. Indeed. I was just thinking about all the elementary schools I attended. Stories up the wazoo. Whazoo? :-)

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  7. Change is in the air for us as well - full retirement, daughters moving out and waiting to see where they will eventually end up, etc. We live in the house my partner grew up in and I think I will need dynamite to get her to leave. But I agree that change can be good and healthy. Although I am certain that I will not be "a good New Yorker" and move to Florida. (too conservative, too buggy, too hot and humid for winter loving me) I am hoping for an eventual change. Perhaps the Berkshires . . .

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    1. Very exciting time for you and yours! After you built that amazing deck I can't imagine you'd ever want to leave your home. In truth, I would never have moved to Florida if it hadn't been for wanting to live near my grandkids. Still, given our motivations and enough time, we all adjust. I'm not really promoting change, I'm actually confessing my quirkiness.

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  8. "Home is where family is" I forget where I heard/read it.

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  9. I loved reading this. You and I have much in common. I moved around a lot after I graduated from high school in New Jersey in 1970. Where in the pacific northwest did you live? What years were you in San Francisco? I once tried to count all the places I've lived in the past 45 years and gave up. I did count all the times I drove across country, though. Seven.

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    1. We lived in Kent, Washington (south of Seattle) in the early 60's. I was in San Francisco in 1970.

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    2. I was in San Francisco in the summer of 1970!

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    3. Crazy! I got there in mid-summer and left just before Christmas.

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  10. Just read your post on Being Home – you moved 26 times! My goodness, that is quite a lot. Even when we bought the house in the Paris suburbs we kept the Paris apartment. Then when I came over to the US I lived downtown San Francisco from 1961 to 1970 – during the tumultuous years (got married the summer of love in 1967.) Then lived in OH while my husband finished school, then Philadelphia for his master’s and since then here in Georgia. But we are moving soon … bought a house in Nashville to be closer to the grand-children like you have done.

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    1. You have a wonderful history! Welcome. You won't regret moving to be near the grandchildren. And Nashville should be quite interesting.

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So, whadayathink?