tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4729559664676971737.post3144005528122102491..comments2024-03-28T11:20:31.192-04:00Comments on Years That Answer: Tales of Bullying and Meanness: The Marathon ManColettehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/13929646037752189809noreply@blogger.comBlogger34125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4729559664676971737.post-72869561943810011322020-07-08T16:06:32.553-04:002020-07-08T16:06:32.553-04:00Many thanks!Many thanks!Colettehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13929646037752189809noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4729559664676971737.post-18814273186297463402020-07-07T22:08:36.428-04:002020-07-07T22:08:36.428-04:00Everything has pretty much been said. All I can a...Everything has pretty much been said. All I can add (or muster, I might add) is WoW! <br /><br />Kudos to you for hanging in. Middle Girlhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12334580430376973159noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4729559664676971737.post-29794885038930591902020-07-03T18:21:12.835-04:002020-07-03T18:21:12.835-04:00You did indeed Win in that Toxic Work situation si...You did indeed Win in that Toxic Work situation since he was the one 'removed' and you were there after he was not. I do recall The Good Ole Boy Networks of the 70-90's Eras and it used to chap the hides of the Men if a Woman was in a position of Authority and Influence. I delighted in Ball Breaking, since they underestimated me due to Age and Gender, they never saw me coming and taking them down one at a time was a real Sport. *Winks*Bohemianhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03743017084098726581noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4729559664676971737.post-24172498827929856942020-07-03T08:00:27.614-04:002020-07-03T08:00:27.614-04:00It was a huge relief. Sorry to hear you had a simi...It was a huge relief. Sorry to hear you had a similar experience. Some people should never have jobs where they are supervising human beings.Colettehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13929646037752189809noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4729559664676971737.post-45094055380674171842020-07-03T04:36:52.500-04:002020-07-03T04:36:52.500-04:00It must have been a huge relief when the new depar...It must have been a huge relief when the new department head arrived. I've had similar experiences but nothing as miserable as yours.nickhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10472673041193755894noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4729559664676971737.post-44887376544247002042020-07-02T17:06:43.203-04:002020-07-02T17:06:43.203-04:00Wow, what a toxic work situation for you. I hate t...Wow, what a toxic work situation for you. I hate that you had to deal with that jerk.Secret Agent Womanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/07564690116156754219noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4729559664676971737.post-36642249669278388132020-07-02T09:27:28.174-04:002020-07-02T09:27:28.174-04:00Upper echelons of society, forsooth. And you the F...Upper echelons of society, forsooth. And you the Floridian equivalent of Elizabeth Bennett. There is the kernel of a short story here, get on with it Col!Rodrobhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10922093293618584195noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4729559664676971737.post-65918934212901439572020-07-02T08:28:19.329-04:002020-07-02T08:28:19.329-04:00There was also class conflict involved. He was fr...There was also class conflict involved. He was from the upper echelons of society, with all it's trappings of entitlement. It really annoyed him that I, a working class woman, had confidence in myself when he did not.Colettehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13929646037752189809noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4729559664676971737.post-46205977438852525852020-07-02T08:24:25.670-04:002020-07-02T08:24:25.670-04:00Beautiful and thoughtful commenting! You are absol...Beautiful and thoughtful commenting! You are absolutely right in the first paragraph. When I said no, I knew for sure I was fine and it was all about him. <br /><br />I was in my early 50s at the time. He was about 10 years younger. I can assure you he was not in love with me (ick). He WAS jealous of the relationship and support I had with my staff. He wanted them to feel that way about him, instead of me. Fat chance. They all hated him because he was such a jerk. Colettehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13929646037752189809noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4729559664676971737.post-77625028134379319842020-07-02T02:07:37.655-04:002020-07-02T02:07:37.655-04:00I think the key moment occurred when you asked if ...I think the key moment occurred when you asked if he wanted you to find another job. Crunch time. He could, of course, have said "Yes" and this would have been a different story. The fact that he had to say "No" meant the sting of uncertainty was removed. He became background noise. Unpleasant, to be sure, but you could be reasonably sure you could wait him out.<br /><br />Another key issue was how old you were at the time. At different times of our lives we react differently. Early on I'd have felt as harassed as you were. Later on I'd have relished a two-day evaluation as an opportunity to practice what the RAF described as "dumb insolence". Responding with the shortest of short answers; sometimes remaining silent. In the RAF being right or wrong didn't matter; I was condemned to the cook-house for the mere querulous tone of my voice. Marathon Man didn't command that kind of irrational power.<br /><br />You don't raise the knotty matter of gender. It's quite conceivable he was in love with you. But that's not how lovers behave, you say. But I'm afraid it does happen. Especially with men who find themselves disadvantaged by the object of their adoration. I know I can't have her so I'll make her life miserable as she has made mine.<br /><br />Your ordeal lasted and it must have made your life intolerable. At a later stage you might have spent the time speculating on how and why he'd become what he was. Passing into brief trances as you weighed up this and that. But then I'm merely theorising and you lived through it. Forget what I've said. I'm one of those doofusses on the other side of the fence: a man. And an old man at that.Roderick Robinsonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16828395545197001637noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4729559664676971737.post-66555008467927296782020-07-01T16:16:22.225-04:002020-07-01T16:16:22.225-04:00What a crazy, backwards world we live in. What a crazy, backwards world we live in. Colettehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13929646037752189809noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4729559664676971737.post-27237380673072868262020-07-01T16:15:23.513-04:002020-07-01T16:15:23.513-04:00I'm sorry your only female principal was a mon...I'm sorry your only female principal was a monster. I'm happy your group's effort resulted in her removal.Colettehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13929646037752189809noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4729559664676971737.post-26274681107345965022020-07-01T16:13:56.789-04:002020-07-01T16:13:56.789-04:00Sadly, being smart is no guarantee that one will b...Sadly, being smart is no guarantee that one will be kind, or good, or moral. Colettehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13929646037752189809noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4729559664676971737.post-6489177153152426832020-07-01T16:04:09.854-04:002020-07-01T16:04:09.854-04:00I had a female school principal who was like this....I had a female school principal who was like this. Worst five years of my teaching career. She was the only female principal I had in my 37 years of public education. Not sure what that says. She was a major piece of work. I was chair of a group that worked diligently to get her removed. It finally happened but after I took early retirement.BethB from Indianahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15294626495777153996noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4729559664676971737.post-39993322647229983492020-07-01T13:06:35.087-04:002020-07-01T13:06:35.087-04:00Well, that WAS a good comeback! I guess he certain...Well, that WAS a good comeback! I guess he certainly got the point! I never understood why academic environments are often so toxic. You'd think having a bunch of smart people together would be a good thing, but so often the egos and intellects clash.Steve Reedhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11684120060438252945noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4729559664676971737.post-63743246573135757192020-07-01T11:59:39.573-04:002020-07-01T11:59:39.573-04:00More power to you! What a mean and petty man.
We h...More power to you! What a mean and petty man.<br />We had a faculty Dean years back who used to hide his female staff's coats and bags just to watch them searching frantically - for a laugh he claimed. They eventually reported him and he was quietly moved to a higher position - as you do in male dominated academia.Sabinehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09015827501648296977noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4729559664676971737.post-75799741309604234642020-06-30T20:11:09.724-04:002020-06-30T20:11:09.724-04:00Oh, how I can relate. As the only woman at my leve...Oh, how I can relate. As the only woman at my level, back in the seventies, the division managers Maytag rotated past me were unbelievable. I gritted my teeth and vowed to outlast them. The last one got me. Then his bad practices got him, then Maytag was swallowed by a bigger fish. I enjoyed following all their demises, in the WSJ. I doubt out daughters realize the dues we paid. And some are still paying.Joanne Noragonhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16601010208310707750noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4729559664676971737.post-46429819409018343182020-06-30T19:58:34.562-04:002020-06-30T19:58:34.562-04:00There wasn't much human resources could do, be...There wasn't much human resources could do, because he was an academic. I love your comment, by the way. Colettehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13929646037752189809noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4729559664676971737.post-44284522036840543622020-06-30T19:57:04.237-04:002020-06-30T19:57:04.237-04:00There isn't much an HR director can do at a un...There isn't much an HR director can do at a university when a faculty member is a terrible boss to staff members. Tenured faculty cannot be fired. The HR Director was aware of his "issues." She took me aside an advised me to find another job and escape. The thought of leaving made me feel like a victim. I had to wait him out, or I would have never gotten over it. I know this is strange, but I'm a little strange. Ha. I worked at the University for 37 years. He was one of the very very few faculty members who I would take issue with. There was something wrong with him.<br />Colettehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13929646037752189809noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4729559664676971737.post-8670361244042437482020-06-30T19:10:53.990-04:002020-06-30T19:10:53.990-04:00What a horrible boss. There was no help from huma...What a horrible boss. There was no help from human resources I'm guessing. It's disgusting that this was allowed to happen but I know it happens in hospitals too. Our medical director is bully. I'm waiting for him to do something to me so that I can confront him on it but it likes to attack new people or people who are afraid of him. He has no power over me anymore. He is a small, petty, insecure man who is deeply unhappy and takes it out on underlings. He's afraid of me though and my husband works in the same place and my husband is not only quite large but smart too which makes him a formidable foe and I think the doc knows that.My life so farhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16721270441968035994noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4729559664676971737.post-11379450747292517322020-06-30T16:03:22.513-04:002020-06-30T16:03:22.513-04:00Yes, my thought was the same - that you should hav...Yes, my thought was the same - that you should have gone to HR or someone in authority above him. I am sorry that you were betrayed there also. I worked as an admin. asst. at a college and I was lucky never to have an experience like yours. I am glad you were able to outlast him!Ellen D.https://www.blogger.com/profile/03776803182673252265noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4729559664676971737.post-36472132498374899552020-06-30T15:23:25.081-04:002020-06-30T15:23:25.081-04:00And I'm sorry you had to work with a boss like...And I'm sorry you had to work with a boss like that.Colettehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13929646037752189809noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4729559664676971737.post-83200194330464066342020-06-30T15:18:13.756-04:002020-06-30T15:18:13.756-04:00That's a story in itself. There was someone hi...That's a story in itself. There was someone higher, and she was once my mentor at the college level. He made sure to poison her against me. He was thorough. She was overly respectful towards faculty members, and people with PhD's, and took his side. I was shattered by that betrayal. But we made up and became friendly again a year or two after the Malicious Bastard stopped being the chairman.Colettehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13929646037752189809noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4729559664676971737.post-21424855881868182282020-06-30T15:14:45.745-04:002020-06-30T15:14:45.745-04:00Oh gee, you worked for an actual crook. Sheesh. I ...Oh gee, you worked for an actual crook. Sheesh. I would have left if I hadn't loved my job so much. Colettehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13929646037752189809noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4729559664676971737.post-17887535606178557242020-06-30T15:13:32.652-04:002020-06-30T15:13:32.652-04:00I DID run the distance!! I'm so glad you got t...I DID run the distance!! I'm so glad you got that. Colettehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13929646037752189809noreply@blogger.com