Toxic People
I have a few toxic individuals in my life. You know the type. They are super needy and always perpetuating self-centered drama. Their emotions are often out of control. They zing you with sly criticisms and put-downs designed to make you look bad and them look good. You know they hate you, but they pretend they don't?
It is best to avoid them, of course. I certainly try to. But sometimes you can't. Sometimes they are co-workers, neighbors, or members of your family. Any thoughts on how to emotionally detach on those unpleasant occasions when you are unable to physically escape?
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| I am so tired of BS |
I hand out lots of pitying smiles when these things happen. And occasionally I look down my nose at the speaker. I'd be happy to come over and stare at them in disbelief when they say such things.
ReplyDeleteThat would be great!
DeleteI ask myself why am I keeping someone like that in my life. Most often, I don't like them either. Be friendly but do not engage. Let the chips fall where they may.
ReplyDeleteGood advice. I'm a sucker for engagement. Big flaw.
DeleteI try to kill them with kindness. They find that annoying or feel guilty. Either way, I win.
ReplyDeleteYou are a much better person than me. I don't think I could pull that off. :)
DeleteSome how, over the last few years, I have really been able to detach from this (obviously not with bloggers...hahaha). But when looking them in the face I have become an observer instead of a recipient. I just see their own problems in their manner and words - it's usually their own pain and inadequacies that get them to that place. (and you and I know that what they are saying is rarely, rarely ever true) I pity them. When they see no reaction from me, a little wind goes out of their sales. The rest is up to them.
ReplyDeleteI'm not perfect, but when I am able to do this, very calmly - it almost always works.
"I see that you feel that way, maybe we can talk about it later when things calm down." etc. (again, the key is calm and cool)
Any way, that's how I work it .... unless, of course, someone screws me over on the internet. ---- no, not really...yes :)
Sounds good, Liv. I must work on the staying calm thing.
DeleteMy sister calls them emotional vampires. Their whole purpose in life is to bring you down to their level. The best way to deal with them is to smile and make yourself feel good.
ReplyDeleteThere certainly IS a vampiric quality to them.
DeleteMy attitude is pity. Pity that they think so little of themselves that they have to make themselves feel better by putting someone else down. If that doesn't work you always have the option of turning on your heel and walking contemptuously away (or into a room at the other end of the house)or...pushing them under a bus. Yes, I'm joking.
ReplyDeleteHahaha. The people I'm thinking of ARE to be pitied. I think that's why I get caught up with them. I feel another blog post coming on.
DeleteI love the book The Four Agreements. The second agreement is to take nothing personally. I try and fail and try and fail and then, lo and behold, I succeed. Then I find that I succeed more than fail. Progress not perfection.
ReplyDeleteThanks Linda. I will check it out. Practice makes perfect!
DeleteThere is someone who I love dearly who suffers mightily and externalizes her serious life disappointments to all who come in contact with her. I try to stay calm when I'm with her, or even when we are just emailing each other and she writes something that is heartbreakingly mean-spirited. I try never to engage with what's been said and just reflect back love and kindness. Then, when no one else is around I let out a torrent of expletives that would shock anyone who heard them.
ReplyDeleteThe secret life of Robin Andrea!
DeleteOver the years I have developed superhuman skills in dealing with such individuals - provided it's over the phone. On several occasions obnoxious and downright nasty calls ended in declarations of mutual courtesy and tiny shimmers of love. All down to my skills, I am telling you.
ReplyDeleteRegretfully, life is not reduced to phone calls and I have been called abrupt in my demeanor more than once. Esp. when I just walk out. Which works best in my experience.
Phone calls are specifically the issue here. How do you manage them?
DeleteIf I am at home, I groom my houseplants at the same time, like plucking dry leaves or raking the pot soil with my fingers - we have lots of houseplants. And I can put the phone on speaker and really get to it. All my plants are doing well. I really like them if you know what I mean.
DeleteBut there was one really awful call with my sister during which I managed to defrost and clean the fridge. I still wonder what she did at her end.
At work, I make a point of standing and looking out of the window to stop myself from doodling and writing down nasty stuff.
Good stuff.
DeleteActually....I try to have an "out of body experience" LOL LOL.....one time I relived an entire vacation in France while talking to an annoying relative.
ReplyDeletexo
Jo
Oh, good one! Good to meet you, and welcome to my blog.
DeletePicture them in their underwear.
ReplyDeleteOh wait, that is a strategy for a different issue.
I have come to imagine myself in a teflon suit where everything just slides off me. I try to deflect all negativity by changing the subject.
Those would both work.
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