Playing the roles

People become defined by the roles they play. When I retired and moved away, I was stunned by the difference in how I was perceived. When I worked outside the home, I was someone who was noticed by others. People knew what I was capable of. I was liked, admired, feared by some, disliked and disapproved of by others. It was fun for many years. Then it wasn't. I wanted a change.  I retired.

When I moved, I had no personal accomplishments to define me. I knew no one, except the people who called me wife, mother, and grandmother. I was still thinking in terms of roles, and those seemed like the only ones I had. 

It took me a couple years to get my bearings.   

Now I realize retirement is a transformation. Instead of looking outward for approval, I have learned to define myself. Big change.

I'm actually a lot more like I was at 18. Carefree, creatively involved, interested, and curious. I do what I want. I think what I will. It has been a relief to step back and let the world carry on without me. 

Change is freakin' hard.  But it is the nature of life, so there you go.

"JOSEPH CAMPBELL: If you follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. Wherever you are -- if you are following your bliss, you are enjoying that refreshment, that life within you, all the time."

Change #3,427, Now I take pictures of alligators. 

Our cat is a goofball

That new cat we have, Murray, is a total goofball. Perhaps even a knucklehead. We are really enjoying him. Except in the middle of the night when he sneaks up the middle of the bed to sleep right next to our faces, and then scratches my toes and feet in revenge for moving him down to the foot of the bed. Actually, I think he assumes I'm playing with him when I move my feet.  

Can cats be trained?

Dream a little dream of me

I am in awe of the unconscious mind. I'm specifically thinking about dreams right now, but I could also be referring to unresolved emotional themes that drive me inelegantly through life. And, of course, there are the triggers that upset me, or those lovely gut feelings one gets when something feels right, or wrong.  

I am inclined to daydreams and wonder. I've often thought the creative imagination connects us to the divine. Whatever that is. 

Consequently, I admire the endless stream of dreams my unconscious mind (UM) provides each night. What a gifted storyteller it is, and it never runs out of ideas or new material.  

SpaceX launch

 I was lucky enough to get a (grainy) shot of the SpaceX launch last week.  It was uncanny.  

2 years

Two years ago today I had surgery to repair my busted knee cap. Time really does fly. We celebrated by going on an 8 mile bike ride.  

I would guess I'm about 96% back to normal. This is likely the best I can hope for, and I am NOT complaining.  I'll never run up and down stairs again, but would I want to?  

I am still awed and humbled by the human body's desire to heal, as best as it can.  As best it can.

Just sayin'

In 1968, one of my teenage friends had an abortion with a back alley abortionist. It was on the hush hush, as these things were done back then. My friend went to the non-medical abortion provider's house after dark, had a procedure, and was given a special tea to drink until the fetus passed. The passing actually happened the next day in our high school's girl's bathroom.

The woman who conducted the abortion was not a doctor, nor was she educated or a woman of means. However, in those mean, dark days this is how she made her living. My friend was lucky, the abortion provider actually did a good job.

Mark my words: We’ll see more non-medical women providing this service for other women as legal abortions are harder to find. This is the reality of overturning Roe vs Wade. Women won't stop having abortions, they will simply stop going to doctors for them.