I rarely relaxed during my working years. There was so much to do, and it all seemed earthshakingly important. Then UC mind would swoop in like the super hero she is. I would find myself forgetting appointments and meetings. It was wicked, sinful, glorious. Letting your unconscious "have at it" is a bit like having a personal assistant.
Over time I had more demanding jobs, with increasingly difficult people to accommodate. I became a supervisor and you know how that goes (hint: STRESS and confrontation). I was a manager of large academic and research departments. These jobs were ridiculous. Ick.
I have said this before, but I'll say it again because it is key to who I am in my dotage: For most of my life I had minimal control over what problem happened next, and maximum responsibility for resolving it.
In retirement I've stopped answering my phone. What a joy it is to let that sucker ring! I procrastinate with gusto. I'm good at this retirement thing.
When it is not hotter than Hell, I might power garden for hours at a time. Gardening is hard work, but it is also like meditation. Get your hands in the dirt and the cares of the world fall away.
Sometimes that's what I consciously want, for all the cares of the world to fall away.
I sometimes cannot turn my brain off during gardening so I will give it up as a bad job that day. Other times it is gloriously mind quieting. Beautiful. When things are at the worst, a bath and a math puzzle book shuts it all off. You cannot add subtract, find possibilities and fill in the blanks while over cogitating. Way better than drinking.....no calories, no headache.
ReplyDeleteInteresting, the math puzzle book. Thanks.
DeleteOh how I can relate to this Colette, my UC often swoops in to save the day... it has to, with having ADHD I sometimes can't turn my brain off, but doing Creative things can distract the racing thoughts. {For most of my life I had minimal control over what problem happened next, and maximum responsibility for resolving it.} was the Statement that most resonated with me!
ReplyDeleteI bet, sometimes when I read your blog I think you must have the weight of the world on your shoulders. You are heroic, by the way.
DeleteIt took me a year to unwind from a life of working and being pulled in all directions. I learned to relax and mellow out but there are times that I still miss the challenges and the social aspect of work. I also miss getting paid.
ReplyDeleteI REALLY miss getting paid.
DeleteI REALLY miss getting those paychecks too!
DeleteI know exactly what you mean. When things become too stressful my brain shuts off and I go to sleep. I don't answer the phone if I don't want to. I also don't always answer the door. Since I retired I enjoy my alone time so much. I think my body is refreshing itself in a way I never had time for when I was younger.
ReplyDeleteSounds blissful.
DeleteI love working in the garden too and I've taken up crochet again which is quite relaxing, especially on long drives. I'm glad you're enjoying your retirement.
ReplyDeleteI tried to learn to knit, but I couldn't get the tension right with my fingers. Maybe I'll try crocheting instead. It doesn't make you car sick when you are riding in the car?
DeleteI never used to be able to read or doing anything in a car but now it doesn't bother me. The tension just takes practice:)
DeleteI wish my UC mind would kick in. I was musing the other day that I am so often in my head when life was not that way for me for a very long time, except for when I was a manage, director with huge responsibility and long hours. That was a battle, much as you describe. Thanks for the reminder. I need to turn off the phone in my head :)
ReplyDeleteAs Elsa says in Frozen, "Let it go, let it go
DeleteCan't hold it back anymore
Let it go, let it go
Turn away and slam the door
I don't care what they're going to say
Let the storm rage on
The cold never bothered me anyway"
Ha, I can't believe I'm quoting a Disney song.
What a stunning photo. It's like almost walking into a humming bird the other day, who was using my mandevillas for all he/they were worth.
ReplyDeleteI appreciate your love of mandevillas. Glad you like the photo, I'm kinda proud of it. Always interesting how things look with a solid white background (in this case our privacy fence).
DeleteButterflies are symbols of the soul.
It's got to be wonderful to step away from all that responsibility and potential confrontation. Nice photo, too -- that looks like some type of poinciana?
ReplyDeleteGood eye! It is a dwarf poinciana (Caesalpinia pulcherrima). Not actually related to the royal poinciana, but they do the trick in a small back yard crying out for color and interesting shapes.
DeleteI love your UC mind and how she kicks in when you need her. You describe the university work life very well. Been there and done that as well. My UC mind is pretty much in control now.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure she is taking very good care of you. :)
DeleteAll the cares of the world to fall away - oh yes. We need this to happen now and then.
ReplyDeletebelieve it or not, I can turn off with ironing. My UC mind taught me how.
I can imagine that, the meditative power of ironing. It is handwork, like gardening, art, etc. Your UC mind is quite resourceful.
DeleteBeautiful photo!
ReplyDeleteMy UC mind tries to protect me when I am overwhelmed by making me so sleepy that I cannot keep my eyes open. That was excruciating when I was still working. One of the best things about retirement is the near complete freedom to nap whenever as however long I wish to nap. I do tend to ignore the signs that I am overwhelmed and push on in a way that doesn't serve me or other people.
The cares of the world fall away when I allow myself to sit down at my art table. I haven't been doing that. My restorative yoga practice also has that effect on me, and I have started that daily practice again in the early morning. Thank you for reminding me of what works
You are most welcome. Napping is a serious pleasure. Tapping into the creative imagination just may be the highest form of meditation.
DeleteI suppose being a magazine editor was like being a supervisor, but less serious. I brought little to the party other than curiosity and being a wordsmith. But I didn't automatically rave over five-dollar words. My assistant editor submitted an article containing "hegemony"; ludicrously OTT for three-hundred words about forklift trucks. I was aware of the word but had never been able to hold on to the meaning despite half a dozen verifications. I invited his definition and it was clear he was a teeny bit shaky, like me. How could I - in effect - punish myself? Did I say there's an art to being an editor?
ReplyDeleteI like the advanced sense of irresponsibility you propose but when I dig deep into my bone marrow I find a shameful need for a little discipline. For parsable sentences and notes that fit other notes like Lego bricks. It's a crutch I suppose. My irresponsibility came early in life when I ignored all aspects of formal education and had to make my way in life depending only on my height, my weight and a penetrating West Riding accent. The rules I observe now are the price I pay.
But why do I suspect there's discipline in gardening?
I think perhaps there is discipline in almost any effort? In gardening one has to be sure to get the roots when weeding, fertilize, dig deep enough when planting, and consider pattern, a little repetition, form, shapes, color, and size when creating gardens. Garden beds are compositions. Plants are growing things that need a certain amount of care. One must commit oneself to weeding. Which reminds me. As soon as it's not so hot, I need to get out there.
DeleteI've been thinking and writing a lot about what it means to "rest" these days. I've had the "opportunity" to do more "resting," (and the quotes are intentional because I'm not sure how to really rest or what it actually means). Thanks for shedding some more light on it all.
ReplyDeleteResting is really hard when one is deeply rooted in the world. This is especially true for mothers. Love really does hurt (at least for some of us), and that pain of loving can get in the way of relaxing. I think it might be a trust issue. Hard to trust the world to behave while we take the time to relax. Especially when the world has proven itself to be untrustworthy.
DeleteI read your blog post "Help" last week and was very happy to learn you have some help. You are a blogger I have admired for many years. I'm delighted to have you comment on my blog.
I retired last Christmas, having gone through the pros and cons for some six months. For the first time since graduating in December 1970, I jumped out of bed each morning and rushed to get dressed on time. Then I realised *sigh* that I may as well get back into bed *moan*.
ReplyDeleteNow I spend more time on the blog and half a day a week lecturing at the local museum.
Being retired takes practice. But you seem to have the hang it. So glad you commented, because your blog looks fabulous and I intend to enjoy reading it from now on.
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