So I try harder to be good, saving the meanness for those who deserve it. Who knows, perhaps fighting back is a gift? Am I diminished or enhanced by trying to control this darkness? Anger has proven both useful and righteous from time to time.
I know I cannot swallow my anger whole or I would lose my mind. It is important for me to digest it bit by bit. I sing to it until it falls asleep. Then I try to put it to bed without waking it up.
Recognizing that you have it and striving to quiet it, that is golden.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the kind words of encouragement.
DeleteI agree - I also have a mean streak by nature. Being self-aware has been very helpful.
DeleteThere was a time many, many years ago during my first marriage that I would work through my anger at my therapist's office by beating a couch with a tennis racquet. It was bioenergetic counseling. Now I just go for long walks and mutter expletives for miles. How ever you work through it, being conscious of it is the best. Deep breaths, my friend.
ReplyDeleteBeating a couch with a tennis racquet sounds like fun. Yes to the deep breaths.
DeleteIf your anger becomes too much you need an outlet for it. Beating a rug, cutting wood, kneading bread are some good ones. A little physical activity will wear it right out of you. We all have demons to corral. You are doing a good job of dealing with yours.
ReplyDeleteMany thanks.
DeleteI have a short temper too. (Shorter since this whole Covid thing began!) All we can do is do our best, I guess. As Middle Girl said, being aware of it is a good first step.
ReplyDeleteOh, I am aware, ha.
DeleteA mean streak? No, what you have is a desire for justice. Two different things.
ReplyDeleteThank you, my friend.
DeleteOh how I can relate to that seeking of balance when you know yourself so well that the Dark Side can be brought out to Play so easily otherwise. What Songs do you use BTW since mine won't go to Sleep easily, if at all, these Days!? *Winks*
ReplyDeleteHa, I hum the Carmina Burana forcefully. Just kidding.
DeleteBe nice to grands. They are gone too soon.
ReplyDeleteOh yes, I am always nice to my grands. They sustain me, and remind me why goodness should always prevail.
DeleteI have that same mean streak and I struggle with it almost daily.
ReplyDeleteIt is a constant struggle.
DeleteThat thing about balance, you got it spot on here.
ReplyDeleteWe have it, it exists, anger. It's not a faulty mechanism. Other creatures have it too. I think is an important part of our make up. And of course, women have been told to either not have it (unwomanly) or to over-express it (ultra feminist).
For me, it's a challenge, not to fly off my handle at the first instance but to wait for the appropriate moment with the appropriate action. I refuse to swallow my anger but must admit that it disappears over time.
Anger is an essential part of me. But it is usually under control. It is usually provoked by the meanness of others.
DeleteYes Yup and yeah......my sits under the surface ever waiting to strike.
ReplyDeleteProtection.
DeleteWorrying is my thing. I waste time being anxious about something that turns out fine in the end. I'll fret and work myself up when I should just leave it and let things work out. My Mom was a worrier so I should know better since I watched her struggle with anxiety.
ReplyDeleteWorrying and anxiety are rough.
DeleteMy mother has a mean streak a mile wide. When I was a shy, sensitive little girl I think she bullied me to the point that any meanness I might have inherented from her got driven out. Either that or I inherited my dad's gentler, more temperate nature. I've never had a hot temper. Sometimes it would come in handy.
ReplyDeleteI do think these things can be genetic. How one handles them is an individual responsibility. An adult being mean to or bullying a child is the worst. I'm glad your father was gentler.
DeleteMy father was bad-tempered and volatile, and at the age of ten I vowed never to be as angry as him. People are quite surprised when I unexpectedly get angry! I hasten to add I have plenty of other negative emotions - anxiety and lack of confidence in particular.
ReplyDeleteMy father and grandfather were both people I try very hard not to be like. I understand.
DeleteWaddya sing? It could make a big difference. Schubert, for instance, wrote over 600 songs, one for every season, every mood. Start learning them now and by the time you're my age you'll have a repertoire of... er, well, 26 would be tops.
ReplyDeleteHaven't we all got mean streaks? Aren't we all angry some times? Was grandmother always "kind, good and loving"? Not that I'm being critical but unalloyed goodness is rare, and the few who do have it tend to end up as martyrs. Misunderstood. If someone had harmed you wouldn't grandmother have got worked up?
Besides, anger can convert itself into laughter. I'm angry that DT even exists but when he mispronounces Thailand ("Some goddamn third-rate hell-hole" he probably rates it) I can't help sniggering. Totally childish I know, but a useful pressure valve.
Perhaps Schubert's Ave Maria? It is the only Schubert piece I'm familiar with. I would so enjoy singing in Latin, and I think I know all the words, and what they mean in English.
DeleteYes, my grandmother got so angry at my grandfather that she left him and moved 2 states away with his children. He came and got her, contrite and ashamed of himself. You are quite right. We all have that mean streak.
I also laughed at the latest DT mispronunciation. Hard not to. He is a moron.
Do you know the Schubert song, "Who is Sylvia"? Shakespeare wrote it (see Two Gentleman from Verona) and Schubert did a setting.
DeleteBut here's the oddity. The Schubert lyric is a German translation, while the Shakespeare is, of course, in English. Yet the setting fits both versions. How about that for being a cleverclogs? I mean Schubert, not me.
Enriched, I think, rather than diminished. I have that dark side, and I know I feel better about myself when I keep it in check.
ReplyDelete