I was texting with an old friend the other day. She and her husband have a number of ailments worthy of complaint, but that's not her style. Oh we did complain; yes, we did. But not about physical ailments. I'm the one who goes for the gold when complaining about aches and pains, not her.
We talked about our practical fears of dying before our spouse, how would they manage? And what if they die first, how will we manage? Order the largest garbage bin to our driveway and start chucking the precious junk in? Sell the house, move to a retirement community? Preferably one without a lawn to mow and an on-site handy person to fix things. Could it be community of oldsters filled with old women who want to drink pink cocktails and laugh? That would do. Yes, probably that's what I would choose if such a life exists.
But what would he do? I'm afraid he's not as adaptable as I am. I don't want him to be sad and alone. We didn't speak of how sad and lonely we would be if we lost them. That's intensely private and we simply couldn't go there. Not yet.
Then there is all our "stuff." For the most part, younger people don't really want old things. They may as they age, but then it will be too late. Truthfully, I care less and less about my things. My family can sell everything, make some money, live their lives. It is the things they will do that matter, not the things they have.
We ended our long texting with vows to throw things away. I filled one garbage bag with superfluous junk and then had a house dust related allergy attack and stopped.
Some photos with happier subject matter:
I have only my offspring to think pf when I die. I purposely have nothing of value. There will be no fighting over who gets what. There is nothing. my final arrangements are made. I am to be cremated. The ashes will be immediately transferred to the cemetery. No muss no fuss.
ReplyDeleteVery practical.
DeleteWhen my mother got a terminal diagnosis at age 63,she gave Dad some direction. First she taught him how to cook his favourite foods. Then she told him not to hit the bottle after she died. And finally she advised him not to get rid of all her things right away. It's that last one I think about telling my husband if I should know I was going. I wouldn't want him to think all my belongings that help make our house a home have to be divided up and given away to my sons and siblings.
ReplyDeleteDad did ask us girls to deal with her clothing just a couple weeks after she died, but otherwise he followed her counsel and I'm glad. He didn't have her anymore but he still had the familiar surroundings of their home until he'd given himself time to grieve and get his balance again and was ready to make changes. - Kate
Thank you for sharing that.
DeleteIf my husband dies before me, there will be a dumpster in the driveway and I will empty out the garage:) The man is a hoarder.
ReplyDeleteIf I die first, he will be lost and I imagine he will acquire a girlfriend to care for him as quickly as possible.
Yeah, our garage is full, too. Sure wish it was able to fit our car in there during hurricane season...
DeleteGreat pictures and gorgeous cat!
ReplyDeleteI have instructed the family to make sure that the man hires a weekly cleaning service in the event of me going first. But when I returned recently after almost four months away - this was not planned as explained in my blog - things looked fairly decent, so that's one concern less. We have done and continue to get rid of all sorts of stuff and it feels good to do this but I am already feeling sorry for whoever has to deal with what inevitably will be left by us.
It was something I never considered back when I was accumulating all this stuff.
DeleteThis is a good reminder to get prepped for the inevitable, but after I go for a walk, visit friends, watch those films I've been putting off, read several books, travel to other countries.... ;)
ReplyDeleteDo it all!
DeleteIndeed, if one of us died, how would the other manage? Each of us does certain domestic tasks that the other isn't familiar with so there would be a big learning curve. I certainly wouldn't be sentimental about all Jenny's precious ornaments, books etc and I hope she would be the same about mine. Chuck them and get on with your life!
ReplyDeleteMy husband's most precious things are his musical instruments. Since I don't play any of them, I would have little trouble either selling them or giving them to family members. I think it would make me sad to have them around.
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