Oh fudge!

I'll be making fudge this year. I usually don't. However, it's been a year that requires some indulgence at the end, so here I go. Usually these "fudge" Christmases are the beginning of a long spiral into sugar induced weight gain. Oh well. 

My father used to make fudge at Christmas when I was young.  He made the old fashioned kind you'll find the recipe for on a cocoa tin. The only way to get it to set is to beat it until your arms fall off. I simply don't have the strength to make that kind of fudge, even though it is my favorite.  

My Grandmother made divinity each year, and peanut butter fudge. She loved sweets, and she would make up little boxed presents full of these amazing candies for all her grandchildren each year. She was a wonder. I wish I had spent more time with her, instead of growing up and running wild. When you are young you think your friends are the be all and end all, but as you age you realize it was your family who mattered most. Too late, since they are all gone now. Instead, we are left with their recipes. If I could raise them from the dead or invoke their spirit by recreating their fudge I would! But of course, I cannot.  

All those old candies required a candy thermometer (aka, actual candy making skills), and although I once owned one, I no longer do. I opt for simpler fudge. But fudge it be!  

Merry Christmas!  

Oh (pint-sized) Christmas Tree

I started baking for the holidays today. I've been going to bed each night for a week vowing to start the very next day, and then I don't. It was getting ridiculous.

Yesterday I forced myself to put up a tree. It's small and super cute. I suppose I should decorate the mantle. I've been saving and framing Christmas cards of madonnas or angels for decades, and I put them up each year.  Lots of fine art and gold frames. They make me happy. It's like eating comfort food, only it is a visual feast. Okay, I have convinced myself. I'll do it tomorrow. I'm almost sure of it.

I'll wait to clean until just before the holiday. If I start now, I'll just have to do it again. Ha! I'm only partially kidding.  

I'm not gonna lie, 2024 has been a hard year for me and mine. I'm trying to be strong, to be good, to rise above the fray. I can do that. But still, there is a simmering anger lurking below the surface. An ache, a wish for kindness and compassion. There's not much of that in this hard and callous world. 

I struggle, wondering if I have not been kind enough myself, or if I have been too weak to be truly kind? What is the right balance? How much courage and character is required to be kind? I guess it has to start with me. At 73, I don't have all that much time left for bullshit.  

I look forward to Christmas being over, and the new year to begin.  There WILL be resolutions.  

A small light in the darkness

Quote #1

 I saw this today on Sabine's Interim Arrangements and had to share.

"I'm just a sucker for courage. As I say so often, I'm moved by the gift of courage, because when you walk towards danger, in the danger, and dare to do what's needed, you put your own safety at risk so you become in some way larger than life. Fear makes you shrink, doesn't it?"

--Joanna Macy

Now I just have to find out who Joanna Macy is.

Thanksgiving Fantasy

Do you have Thanksgiving coming up with gloating Republican family members? Go anyway, and if they start discussing politics quietly get up and leave. Don't say a word to the jerks, just thank the hosts for all the good food and leave. No need to engage with the jerks because that's what they want. If you politely leave, they'll get the message. It is important that they understand you are a person of substance, and you refuse to be abused.

Drive separately if your significant other doesn't choose to support you.

If the hostess calls you the next day to ask why you left, tell them you didn't feel like you belonged.

If you are the person who is hosting the event, you can get up and go to your room for the rest of the evening.

Enjoy!

Duality

I believe the nature of this world is a duality between good and evil. The reality is we must always be ready to do battle against the darkness. Sometimes we win, and sometimes we lose. It is important to accept this is an everlasting battle, one that will never truly be won by either side. However, it must always be fought.

beyond gloomy

Yesterday was a weird day. It felt like a cross between the end of the world and a gloomy Sunday. The kind of Sunday where you know when you wake up Monday morning you have to go to a job you hate. 

Today I'm worried about Social Security and Medicare for the future. 

Dark days ahead.

'Merica

Ugh

Although anxiety is having its way with me, exhaustion is paramount. Why? There are a number of reasons, triggers all. Of course the upcoming election is driving all of us a little mad. That's the worst of it. If it wasn't for that, real life worries would be manageable.

The other reasons are personal, things I don't really want to think about let alone write about. These are things that will pass, I don't need to obsess over them. As always, I'll just ride it out. Everything will be fine.

All I want to do is sleep until November 5. If things go badly in the election, I may never want to wake up. But I will find a way out of fear and despair. I'm almost sure of it.

Hey, I always do.

After Milton

We are fine. Power is back on as of last night (thank you Duke Energy workers!). The front yard is hastily cleaned up of debris. Standing water and mushy ground makes it hard to do a good job in the back. That can wait.

During the worst of the hurricane our pool was full. The draining pump went off when we lost power. The force of the wind blew water out of the pool out the back where it wouldn’t creep up on our house. Crazy.

We actually had less water in the pool when we woke up on Thursday than when we went to bed late Wednesday night. We lost power about 2:30 am. Yes, we slept through the worst of it, which hit between 2 and 6 am. I kept waking up in the dark hearing the wind so powerful and loud, not knowing what might happen next.  

We were lucky.  

Before Milton

We live in Orange County, Florida, about 25 minutes west of Orlando and an hour and a half east of Tampa. Yes, we are in the path of Hurricane Milton. No, we don't have mandatory (or even recommended) evacuation orders, and will be staying put. I'm glad to avoid being on the highways with all those poor souls from the storm surge areas of the Gulf Coast. The city of Tampa alone has more than 400,000 people, and the evacuation areas run up and down the coast in the area where Milton is expected to land. We are on high ground in the middle of the state, so we're not expecting any flash flooding. However, there will be WIND and RAIN and this will be a messy mess.  

Tom is putting plywood up over windows. We have sandbags for the doors at the back of the house facing the pool, which we are draining quite a bit to make way for additional rain. We're pulling every thing we can into the house and garage. We have bottled water and lots of food. I'm doing laundry in anticipation of losing power. I half filled zip lock gallon bags with water and stuck them in the freezer to help keep things cool for a couple days. Today I will get large heavy duty water proof plastic bags to store electronics and important documents in. I'll fill the bathtub with water for washing up.  We have a solar lantern, batteries, and plenty of candles.  

I think we are as ready as we can be. Wish us luck!

Solitaire

Yesterday I hung out with our grandson, N. We went downtown and looked at books, games, and clever Halloween thingies. Then we bought an ungodly amount of french fries which we took back to my house to share with Grandpa. We all watched a game show on Netflix called "Is it Cake?" Later I took N home, and while we waited for his parents to return I taught him the card game solitaire. 

My maternal grandfather taught me solitaire about 60 years ago. It was the only time I spent any time alone with him (he had 36 grandchildren), and he was so kind and sweet. 

Solitaire seemed like the best card game in the world to me, because you could play it by yourself. You could cheat if you wanted to, and no one would know or care, except you. I quickly realized that winning because I cheated wasn't nearly as exciting as when the random luck of the draw enabled me to win. It was a private learning experience that stayed with me.

Now I've taught my grandchild. I can only hope that in 60 years he'll remember this.