coming out of my shell
Saturday, November 19, 2016
And THEN she told Mom when to die
The Baby Sister Chronicles: Part II 😎
My mother's Parkinson's Disease continued to progress. A couple years after the delirium incident she moved to an assisted living facility for a few more years. It was only in her last year she was bedridden and confined to a nursing home. Despite having a husband, 3 children, and a full time job, Baby Sister went to see her every single day, advocating and watching out for Mom. As you can imagine, they formed a special bond.
In late February 2015, Mom had a massive stroke rendering her more or less unresponsive. I had overnight duty at the nursing home for much of the last week Mom was actively dying. On the morning of the 7th day a favorite nurse came in to check Mom's vital signs. After a few moments the nurse said to me with great tenderness and liquid eyes, "Today is the day; she doesn't have much longer." I called the usual suspects and let them know to come right away. Sister C was the first to arrive. Big D was next. Baby Sister was at work and arrived later than the others. She was kind of dragging her feet! I have anxiety issues and I was afraid she would arrive too late. I repeatedly texted her to get her rear in gear. Baby Sister calmly and firmly insisted there was time. Why do I ever doubt her?
I was not sure if Mom could hear, but I kept telling her Baby Sister would be there soon. When Baby Sister arrived she went straight to the bed, kissed our mother three times on the forehead and said "Ma, we all love you so much, but now it's time to go to sleep." Within 15 minutes Mom took her last breath.
Baby Sister is getting kind of embarrassed with all the attention, so I need to stop writing about her for a while. However, I am only lying low and biding my time. This won't be the last you will hear about her.
To my followers - sorry for all the versions of this.
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Another mother with grace.
ReplyDeleteThere are so many, ya know?
DeleteI love those last words your sister said to her. What a calming way to make that final journey. Thank you for writing this.
ReplyDeleteIt was therapeutic for me to write this. At the time Baby Sister said those words to Mom, it completely blew me away. Mom had a glorious ending to a rather difficult life. Baby Sister was the keystone.
DeleteMy mom struggled on her last day of life. We, her four children, surrounded her as she fought for breath. At 10 pm, my sister and brother left to go home and check on my dad, who also had health issues. My sister and I continued to sit at my mom"s bedside. I walked away for a few minutes to do something and my youngest sister stayed and held my mom's hand as she passed from life. She was so special to my mom, the child born to her later in life. She thought of her as a gift and it was right that she had her last moments with her.
ReplyDeleteFamily is everything.
Thanks for sharing. Those baby sisters ARE gifts.
DeleteI guess I'm the baby sister in my family, although it never felt that way. I wish I had an older sister like you. My sisters are twins and rarely think about having another sister who is not their twin.
ReplyDeleteI took care of my mum for the last years of her life. Once or twice a years my siblings would visit. It made me very angry to see how little they were willing to give back to a mother who always put them first.
Yes, that has to be hard. I am filled with guilt for living so far away and not being able to help Baby Sister during those times. That's why I always tried to defer to her in the decision making over Mom's last years. Luckily, she was always right.
DeleteMy siblings had a family meeting, without me, shortly before mum died and decided that it would be best for mum to go to a nursing home. They told me their decision but said I should be the one to talk to mum about it. Two days later my sister called my mum and told her their decision and less than a week later mum was dead. Mum was terrified of losing her independence, of being in a nursing home. She didn't want to be a burden. She had a massive stroke and slipped away peacefully thankfully. I wouldn't have let my siblings put her in a nursing home.
DeleteThe same thing happened to my dad. He had been in the hospital for nine weeks, very sick, liver failure. The doctor told him that he would be transferred to a nursing home. The next day my dad got pneumonia and he died five days later.
Stubborn parents:) I want to be just like them.
I hope that we have that kind of control, to decide to die when life becomes unbearable.
DeleteI have seen your name around the blogosphere and decided to stop by.
ReplyDeleteI believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that we have some sort of say in our last stage of the dying process. We cannot stop it but have a choice when to let go. I work with seniors and have seen it too many times to doubt.
Birdie, I'm so glad you stopped by. I read your blog regularly. I like hearing your thoughts on the dying process. It really did seem like she was waiting for Baby Sister to arrive.
DeleteEvery mother (and sister) should have a person like your little sister in their lives. What a blessing to have such love.
ReplyDeleteShe is quite extraordinary.
DeleteIt would have been such a boon to have a sibling help me during mom's last days. But alas, it was me (with help from my daughter).
ReplyDeleteAs horrifying as it was at the time, I wouldn't trade those last days, final moments for anything.
Thank you for sharing your family's story.
As horrifying as it was glorious.
Delete