Vital records don't tell us is who was a cheapskate, who ran off with the milkman, or who left home and never came back. Every once in a while there are stories that fill in the gaps and gives one pause.
I came across a 5th great grandfather who was a Revolutionary War soldier. He was born in Virginia about 1760, and married in 1780. He had 6 children with his wife.
He left his family prior to 1810, to live with another woman. He seems to have beat his mistress "mercilessly" on more than one occasion. Later court testimony claims she finally warned him if he did it again, she would kill him. Unfortunately, she made the mistake of warning him in front of witnesses. He "drowned" not long afterwards, in 1821.
Or maybe not. Upon examination of the body, the authorities discovered a wound "on the left breast about 3/4 of an inch in a circular form. Whatever it was which the deceased had been wounded with supposed had caused his death, passing between the ribs, none of which were fractured."
The mistress was indicted for his murder. Later she was convicted of second degree murder, and sentenced to 12 years in prison.
His wife lived until 1840, but I found no information about her. I hope she had a good life after the old man left.
I have no further information about his mistress, either. I feel sorry for her. A woman of her time living outside of marriage with a brutal man didn't likely have many options. And, of course, she warned him.
Women's lives are nearly invisible. It is kind of sad when only the bad guys leave a trail.
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| This is just an old photo I found online. It is labelled "The Absolom Davis family". I am not related to this family. I love it though. You don't often find casual old photos like this. It says a lot about these people's lives. |
That is true about most women being invisible. I have discovered a few interesting things. One uncle had a first wife that I of course knew nothing about. The interesting thing is that he had three children who are my cousins. Two are born in the same year but not far enough apart to have the same mother. Hmmmm?
ReplyDeleteVery interesting, my dear Emma.
DeleteI love what you are able to discover about your family and how far back in our country's history your family reaches. Such an interesting story about those times. Why does it surprise me that even back then family dramas were unfolding like this. I wish I could trace my family back that far. I'd have to do research in eastern European records. My mom's family only arrived here in 1921. Thank you for sharing this story. It is truly enlightening about the times.
ReplyDeleteIf you paid for the international ancestry access, you might be able to go back pretty far.
DeleteThe first wife was the lucky one that he left her, but unfortunately, she spent 30 years with a man who probably abused her also. I hope her later years were better.
ReplyDeleteDNA has brought a lot of skeletons out of the closet. My dad was
born in 1908. He was an only child till the age of five and then they had eight more children in about 11 years. My cousin spent a lot of time putting the family history together and found out that my grandparents were not married till 1912. We looked further and we came across a newspaper clipping about a man with the same name as my grandfather who was arrested for fighting and causing injuries. We figured then that he spent about four years in jail. Family secrets are no longer secrets.
No, they sure aren't.
DeleteA genealogy researcher located the court document of my grandfather ordered to pay child support of his five children. He posted a large bond to remain free. He jumped bond, went west, changed his name and lived a sort of bum during the depression. The five children were essentially orphans. My aunt said the only birthday she ever had was in the Childrens' Home.
ReplyDeleteAaack. That breaks my heart.
DeleteI wonder how his wife lived after he ran off, and how she supported their 6 children. I found the same thing doing genealogy, I wonder about the untold stories of the people. I am writing a small book about our immediate family, inspired by my genealogy interest.
ReplyDeleteShe had 6 children, most of them adults by the time he left. My hope is that the children helped support her. This happened before the U.S. Federal census included more than just the head of the household on the census data (they didn't start listing the names and ages of all the household members until 1850). So that's why I haven't been able to determine what happened to her. She died in 1840. I'm sure she was happier without him.
DeleteGosh this was a tragic story and yet we know that it happened all too often. Even today.
ReplyDeleteYes, even today.
DeleteWhat a tragedy. What an awful life she must have had.
ReplyDeleteAre we surprised? Seriously?
I just had a conversation with a friend about how women to this day are depicted a secondary, she used the example of The Marriage Story (on netflix and up for an oscar no doubt) where the female side of the story is just crap whereas teh guy who cheated and insisted on his career choices etc. gets all the coverage.
That is so true about The Marriage Story. For most people, it just seems normal to dismiss the female's story as secondary.
DeleteThe first serious novel I wrote concerned two engineers - one male, one female - and the way their lives intertwined. My aim was to provide my own tribute to engineers who don't enjoy the same social status as other professionals, notably doctors, lawyers and academics. In my own imagination the male engineer came first, perhaps because I gave him a surname - Hatch! So crisp! So male! - which I knew would stick. Picking good names for characters is vital for any author; you live with them, hand in glove, for at least a year.
ReplyDeleteBut as I wrote the novel I became more and more fascinated with the female engineer (Clare. Another good name. Women can't really be identified by their surname if they're married, can they?) Ineluctably she started to dominate the story.
Subsequently I wrote three more novels and am a third through a fourth which I fear I will never finish. All have women as central characters; it has become my fictional standpoint. Why did this happen? One reason is that fiction thrives on various forms of conflict and conflict seems woven into women's lives. Then I read your sentence: Women's lives are nearly invisible. Might that be another reason why I'm drawn to their stories? Possibly. I hope that none of my women are invisible, certainly they aren't to me. Trying to make them real helps me, makes me less aggressively male. Damnit, why don't I say it? Women are just more interesting; men - by contrast - are more predictable. And who wants a predictable story?
Well said, Robbie. I have read your novel, Out Of Arizona, and can attest to your strong women characters. Still waiting for a sequel so I can find out more about Jana Nordmeyer.
DeleteSounds like he got what was coming to him.
ReplyDeleteIt does, doesn't it?
Delete