My husband became a great-grandpa again. His granddaughter S had a baby boy. He's a beauty, just like his 2 year old sister, CH. I claim these children as my great-grandchildren, too. After all, his daughter R is the half-sister of our daughter, M. Is that presumptuous of me?
We've had this beautiful family in our lives since 2017, when Tom took a DNA test and he and R found each other. It was epic, wonderful, full of grace.
I struggle, though. Not the wicked stepmother struggle of "what does this take from my family with him," because it takes nothing away. Love isn't a pie to be divided. Love expands. If you open your heart to it, love will fill you up like a balloon.
My struggle is trying to figure out my place. R was adopted at birth and she had a good parents. Her children had grandparents they loved. I can't be what I never was. However, if you can't be one thing, then you can be another. Even if you have to make it up as you go along. It's all good.
Recently I found an old picture of her biological mother. I was surprised when the picture made me sad. Why did it make me sad? Because it looks like R has her birth mother's mouth. I want her to look like me! Ha! I'm a silly old woman.
I made a quilt for H. It's not a treasured crib quilt. It's a lay-it-down-on-the-floor and get it dirty kind of quilt. I hope the first time he rolls over he does so on this quilt.
H is blessed to have you as his great-grandma. The quilt you made for him is a beauty of love, color and design.
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeleteSo, you're human. Grandparenting is more difficult with half and step children. My one grandson has three sisters that are no relation to me. What to do? The one who is young enough, the other two are grown and gone, will get an Easter gift, just the same as her little brother.
ReplyDeleteMore relatives is probably a good thing=more love.
Ha! SO human. But yes, more love.
DeleteThe quilt is lovely and will be so useful for that new baby! It is nice that you have all welcomed the extra love you get to enjoy!
ReplyDeleteThank you.
DeleteWhat a lovely quilt. After he rolls over on it, he will jump up and drag it behind him until it is a shadow of its former self. He will sit in front of the dryer, waiting for his binky to emerge.
ReplyDeleteThat's my hope.
DeleteI never gave birth to any children, but I have three step-daughters and four step grandkids. It always blows my mind when the grandkids call me grandma Robin. The love is there no matter the biology of our relationships. As Pixie wrote above, "More relatives is probably a good thing = more love." Yes, you're in their hearts and always will be.
ReplyDeleteI like thinking of you as Grandma Robin.
DeleteYou are who you are, not a length of pipe to be bent this way and that to fit an awkward plumbing situation. Besides, without the appropriate tools and a mort of experience, unskilled pipe-bending leads to bends where you didn't want them and more bends than necessary. Do you want to risk being known as Bent Grannie?
ReplyDeleteNope.
DeleteThe thing with children and parenting and grandparenting is that its always down to love. Regardless of - and in so many case thankfully without - biological family definitions.
ReplyDeleteThere are kids living the world over who could do with grandparenting, just in case you have some excess energy and time . . .
You make two very good points.
DeleteKids know how we make them feel no matter whether they call us gramma or hey you. I've seen kids eyes light up and smiles fill their entire faces when they see Boy Scout.
ReplyDeleteYour feelings are your own and oh-so real. They belong and you are far from silly.
Many thanks, Linda!
DeleteYou are family. Love the quilt.
ReplyDeleteYes. It's really just as simple as that, isn't it! Thanks.
DeleteI think "step" and "half" distinctions disappear after a generation. My ex-husband is nuts about his grandchildren, who are all the children of his stepdaughter. So yes, of course you're the great grandma of those kids. A blended family is still just a family.
ReplyDelete"A blended family is still just a family." Yes! Many thanks.
DeleteYou're not being presumptuous at all! I Claim all our blended Family and we've never used the terms 'step', 'half', 'adopted' or 'biological' when referring to any of them. The Man and I blended our existing Families when we Married, our Children entered into blended Families in their Relationships too, our Grandchildren have Siblings with other Mothers and we don't exclude any of these precious ones. Our Son hasn't had bio Children yet, but his longest term relationship he raised his Girlfriends Children and we consider them 'ours' as much as any of the other Grands. We're into Great-Grandchild Territory now too and it's wonderful to see yet another Generation! Congrats on becoming a Great-Grandma... finding our place and space in any Relationship is always a bit complex, whether we have a biological connection or not. Perhaps this Baby will have your Mouth? *Winks* The Man and I Love it whenever someone sees us in the Children that aren't biologically connected to us, we just say, Thank You and beam.
ReplyDeleteThis makes me tearful. Would that all families could see things this way. I am the evil stepmother. I always thought to just wait it out, and when they got older, they'd see that they'd been manipulated. The youngest is 37, the oldest 40. The oldest was angry at her mother and blurted, "She's the one who keeps telling the boys that she's the GOOD grandma..." She realized what she had said and stopped, but I knew who her boys were being taught was the BAD grandma. It sounds awful, but I've just stopped. I've given up. We've been married for 24 years. My husband makes no effort to speak on my behalf, and it is nothing that I can fix myself. I focus on the people who do love me, and I let the ones who don't go.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry.
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