Any effort to connect and console a person undergoing grief is amazingly helpful. Social media now allows for immediacy and increased contact. I'm not one who thinks that is a bad thing. I'm one who has been relying on FB more and more. I will continue to do so. We appreciated every heart, tear, and caring emoji, as well as the kind comments. It's a beautiful thing, love and caring.
In the future, in addition to the helpful immediacy of social media I will also send a sympathy card. I'll stop worrying about being perfect, and I'll just try to connect. I must admit I had forgotten how potent and magically personal sympathy cards are. We live and learn.
I still remember a card we received from our friend Salli back in 1995, when my brother Fred died in a car accident. What will always stay with me was when she wrote "I don't know why these terrible things happen, I only know they do." I'm not sure why that meant so much, but it did. Maybe because it was an honest sentiment?
We received the following from a friend, Marianne, who has had her share of loss. Some may prefer a more formal declaration of sympathy; however, this was absolutely perfect for Tom and me. This is exactly how we felt about losing our granddaughter, Melanie.
I also send sympathy cards. It's a personnal connection, at least for me. I think it's a pity that whole generations have now relegated all kinds of occasions which used to warrant a card - congratulations, sympathy, thank you - to a few words of text or FB.
ReplyDeleteHere goes "Goofle" again. Not anonymous - should say "Mollybawn."
DeleteThanks for identifying yourself. Cheers.
DeleteI think so often we all get paralyzed by "I don't know WHAT to say!" This is a good reminder that it's worthwhile to just say something. Once again, I am so sorry you've all had to go through this tragedy. Marianne definitely sums up the injustice.
ReplyDeleteIt's really a hard thing. I struggle every time.
DeleteIt is so hard to find words of condolence. The often used phrases sound like often used phrases. But we feel the need to try to make the bereaved feel better. I feel that a simple "I'm Sorry" and "How can I help?" are best. As you know I have been absent for a while and I did not know of your loss. I am sorry. What can I do to help?
ReplyDeleteYou already did, by writing this comment. Many thanks.
DeleteI went back and re-read the post about Melanie and my heart broke anew for you and your family. This beautiful sympathy note says it all.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Robin.
DeleteAs you said, when someone takes the time to handwrite a supportive note that arrives by mail in a time of profound grief, it can make all the difference in the world. I'm grateful for the Mariannes of the world.
ReplyDeleteI am grateful for the Mariannes of this world, too. There is something heroic about walking for a few moments beside someone so near to the valley of the shadow of death.
DeleteYes, there's no perfect expression of sympathy and no perfect response to grief. One can only try to connect with what the other person is going through. And any show of sympathy is better than an awkward silence.
ReplyDeleteI believe that with all my heart.
DeleteCards with heartfelt messages, to hold close to our hears, to shed tears over, are priceless.
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely.
DeleteJust as I cannot find for words at wakes and funerals and rely on hugs to convey my feelings, I cannot find words for this comment. But many virtual hug are being sent.
ReplyDeletePerfect! Feelin' the hug.
DeleteI sure picked a fine time for a rare visit to your blog, Colette. Grief is indeed complicated and most people are ill equipped to handle it. I am so sorry that you've lost a dear grand daughter. She sounds like me when I was that age (although I was no Fullbright scholar). Fierce and independent. I can't imagine the depth of your sorrow. Sending hugs and strength. - Tara
DeleteThank you, Tara. I appreciate your kind words.
DeleteMy condolences are belated, but sincere nonetheless, Colette, on the recent, tragic and unexpected loss of your granddaughter, Melanie. It is difficult to know what to say at such a sad time. Recently, a former coworker who I keep in contact with lost her adult son, Andrew, an only child, to cancer after an battle of several years. I am also someone who sends mailed cards and a note, but the one your friend sent to you and Tom really said the things many of us feel but cannot express.
ReplyDeleteThanks for taking the time to comment!
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