I know anger, only too well. It is the death of the spirit, like burning in Hell. It also feels pretty good at times, quite seductive. I indulge from time to time. Some of my best posts have been about anger.
Rigidity, that's a harder nut to crack. I've lived a pretty open and unpredictable life, railing against convention more often than not. I don't understand a rigid adherence to social norms. I'm not putting it down, I just don't I see the world that way.
I have a friend who is as different from me as could be. She is extremely private and conforms to all sorts of "rules." I struggle to understand boundaries. I drive her crazy. We bicker. I try to respect her boundaries and the way she lives her life. I'm not going to lie, sometimes I fail. She doesn't hold back, she's honest and direct and I admire that. If she was passive aggressive, I wouldn't have found her interesting. We often tease each other and try to wind each other up. Our shared friends don't really know what to think. Sometimes they laugh, sometimes they step away.
I would miss her unique perspective if we stopped being friends. I would miss the bickering, if truth be told. I've learned a lot about myself by trying to understand our differences. I think we are both better people for accepting each other for who we really are. Plus, there are plenty of things we agree on and relate to each other over.
I'm pretty sure writing about her is against "the rules." However, I have no fear that she will see this and get mad at me, only because she won't see it. Years ago when I started writing this blog I asked her to read it. She told me she only reads things that have been written by professional writers and published. I laughed. I have a somewhat different perspective on blog writing. That's just the way we are.
I used to work closely with a woman who is often opposite of me. We had some great and respectful conversations. Even about religion and politics. Sometimes we would come away with changed minds. I appreciated her more than she could know.
ReplyDeleteIt's so important to listen, one always might learn a thing or two.
DeleteI'm a rule follower and I envy the free spirits in my life. I want to be around them in the hopes they rub off on me a bit. I like that you make room for us more rigid folks.
ReplyDeletePlenty of room for everyone.
DeleteThe Yin and Yang of relationships often works out well. Even The Man and I are complete Opposites, I think it often Compliments each other when the differences are striking between people and Completes us.
ReplyDeleteSo true.
DeleteThis describes the way my sister and myself interact, always have. We are rude as hell and we mean it. Bickering is our middle name. We are always on the lookout for something to find at fault in the other. With others I am different and at least try to be polite if all else fails.
ReplyDeleteI have three sisters, two older and one younger. My relationship with each is quite different. One I haven't talked to in 5 years.
DeleteSomeone doesn't have to be just like me to be a good and treasured friend. Sometimes you just need someone to argue with; sometimes you need someone to give you a different perspective. I adore my friends, each is a precious ornament in my life.
ReplyDeleteSo precious!
DeleteMy best friend of 59 years and I are very much alike but as we have aged, I have given up on any religion while she has gotten more religious. We still have lots in common and so we can focus on that and she doesn't try to push religion on me and I don't try to criticize her beliefs... We agree on lots of other stuff!
ReplyDeleteYou are lucky she is so tolerant. But then again, it sounds like you are, too.
DeleteI have a friend like that, we are quite similar in many ways but opposites in politics. We agree to disagree. We both have alcoholics and drug addicts to contend with which overrides political differences.
ReplyDeleteLuckily my friend agrees with me on politics.
DeleteTwo people with very different personalities either get on well or are totally bemused by each other. People who are a slave to social norms can be very perplexing to someone like yourself who feels free to ignore those norms if the occasion demands it. As for anger, I resolved at the age of ten never to be like my angry and bad-tempered father. My very occasional fit of anger lasts about ten seconds and is gone.
ReplyDeleteI once had to end a friendship because someone could not respect my boundaries no matter how many times I explained why they were important to my well-being.
ReplyDeleteBut I always find it interesting the different ways people successfully navigate relationships. My sister and her husband of almost 50 happy years were always yelling at each other, but laughing even more. I can't remember a time when Martha and I even raised our voice to each other. I think as long as folks are able to communicate effectively and respect each other, things generally work out.
Very true.
DeleteIt takes all kinds, I suppose. Some people need the security of predictability and knowing what to do when.
ReplyDeleteWhen I started blogging many years ago, I was surprised how few of my friends had any interest in my blog! Even now my online friends and my real-life friends are mostly separate groups, with a handful of exceptions.
Same here. At first it bothered me, but now I'm so glad.
DeleteDoes just railing about convention get you off the hook?
ReplyDeleteBickering goes up a notch if the linguistic quality of the bicker is attended to. The aim should be to get one's point across while simultaneously interesting those that are merely overhearing you at nearby tables. A benign double-whammy.
The best quote about rules. In Groundhog Day, during one of the dream sequences, Bill Murray drives the wrong way down a railway track in his car towards an oncoming locomotive. "Break all the rules," he shouts. One of his terrified passengers: "Yeh, but this was one rule I kinda liked".
Sadly, just railing about convention does not get me off the hook. I must admit we don't bicker as much or as playfully when we are alone together. Having an audience ups the ante.
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