When I was a young wife and mother, my grandmother was poor as a church mouse, but she once slipped me $20 so my cranky grandpa couldn't see. She whispered that it was a love gift. Times were hard. I needed that $20 as much as I needed her love. That loving sacrifice made an impression.
Independent of being a mother and a grandmother, I am a doting aunt and great-aunt, and by the grace of a random universe, we are also great-grandparents.
Last year I mailed 6 packages to our young great-grand children, great-nieces and nephews. I actually used a hand truck dolly to carry them all in to the post office. This year I only have three to mail, because I ordered some presents to be delivered directly to a few young children in our lives.
None of our presents are expensive. Young children don't judge presents based on money spent. They get excited to get a package in the mail. I simply want these children to grow up knowing they have two old farts living in Florida who love them.
I totally agree. In some of the years that money was tight my children had a lot of presents. They might get an individually wrapped pencil, a small tablet, a hand-made op-yop, and all sorts of small gifts. I tried to have one bigger gift but I saw that they really just wanted to tear open a gift.
ReplyDeleteIt's really as simple as that.
DeleteYou're right -- kids don't care about the value of a gift. They just want to be remembered!
ReplyDeleteWow! That looks fun! Those children who receive those boxes will be delighted. I'm delighted just looking at the boxes, thinking of the love that goes along with them.
ReplyDeleteIt is very fun.
DeleteI'm very lucky that all my littles live within 3 hours of me and that I will be able to see them open their gifts. Although at their age, the wrapping and empty box will hold as much delight as the gift. We are both very blessed.
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy for you!
DeleteThose certainly are treasure trove boxes!
ReplyDeleteI love hearing that.
DeleteThey will love those treats! You chose well.
ReplyDeleteMy grandma never slipped me any banknotes but she was a lovely soul and I really missed her after she died. And that's true about presents for children. My sister and I were just thrilled to get presents, and never gave a thought to the cost.
ReplyDeleteOh the problems with that over-used verb. Me, I reserve it for very special, very rare relationships. It may be the biggest gulf between those living on either side of The Pond. I cannot love my grandchildren, it isn't the right word. I admire the way they've grown up into adults that differ in a thousand ways from me. I thrill when they sternly correct my old-fashioned views. Best of all, I occasionally make them laugh and that creates the strongest bond; laughter by definition is unplanned, laughter is truthful. And I wouldn't mind if they - it's very unlikely - were to read this and designate it as old fartish. I want them to be strong in themselves, able to forge ahead in a world that grows ever more menacing, well after I'm dead and gone. To be different and unique. Once, when Y was much younger I asked her what she wanted to do for a living; she said she wanted to be a journalist "but not a journalist like you, Grandad." Meaning not modestly employed on a trade magazine but shaping world opinion on a national newspaper or on TV. In fact, she recently chucked a comfortable job for starting at ground-floor zero in a bank. How immoral, how crass some might say. But I have faith in her steeliness. And warm thoughts about her being a leftie.
ReplyDeleteToo long, I fear.
I think I loved them when they were little, but as they grow up that changes to affection or respect, or something akin to that. As they develop independent lives, (and in the case of the oldest a career), I see less and less of them. One is a bit of a pain in the ass to tell you the truth!
ReplyDeleteYour and Robbie's comments are really interesting to me. I wonder if men, or some men, or just a certain kind of rational person sees love in a very different way than I do?
DeleteColette: I hope this doesn't sound hoity-toity but what I'm talking about has to do with words and their meaning, not just emotions. We are all endowed with a large vocabulary that allows us - if we take the trouble - to express ourselves precisely. Clearly my feelings for VR, both when I first met her and now, two-thirds of a century later, differ from the way I feel about our grandchildren. And for one very good reason. For VR there is a sexual basis however physiologically faded over the years.
DeleteThat deserves a certain word and for me it has to be unique.
The nearest it applies to anyone else is to my mother, pre-adolescence; this may have a tiny sexual element (my father was not around having divorced my mother) but, if so, it won't have been well-defined. I was a mere child and didn't understand what was happening in my body. Even so, I hugged and kissed my mother and these are physical expressions associated with the act of love.
Note that DMG uses "a pain in the ass" when referring to one of his offspring. Here you may be better justified in using the l-word but we are not the only parents to have had varying attitudes towards our offsping. There are clearly times when - prominently - they are a burden. And we may be doing the best for them mainly because they ours. These experiences clearly dilute the unique meaning of love.
However the important thing about offspring (as far as we are concerned) is that they change. Now that VR and I are ill and enfeebled both our daughters are a huge compensations to us. Both go out of their way to help us and - it's so important - they talk to us. These gestures deserve my best responses, my most exact sentences.
As to grandchildren I am satisfied with what I said in the earlier comment. I want things for them and this is not at all the same thing as the l-word.
What are those other words? "Affection" and its siblings is one of them. "Grateful" is another. "Like" is less forceful but often more appropriate. "Enjoy the company of" applies to social events. And so on. Picking the right word can be hard but communicating the truth is not intrinsically easy. But doing it right is important.
I must stop now. One of my commenters tells me that my comments are too long. I may be able to justify their length but I don't want to exhaust you.
That could well be the case. In the case of my grandchildren, none of them live close anyway. My daughter still has the youngest living at home, but she lives in Ottawa, a six-hour drive from here, and even when we visit he is very preoccupied with his own life. And that’s the way it should be, it seems to me.
DeleteRobbie, I don't associate sex with love. They are two different things. One made better with the other, of course, but love is just that, and doesn't include desire or passion in my mind.
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