coming out of my shell

coming out of my shell

Saturday, March 5, 2016

Part I: Working with a difficult person

As the saying goes, "One bad apple spoils the bunch."

A fellow blogger published a thoughtful post about the negative effect one difficult co-worker can have on a group. More to the point, she also talked about compassion. I was inspired to write.  Here is a link you to her post. P.S., she is a much better person than me.

It is nearly impossible to develop a mutually supportive team when there is one co-worker thinking only about themselves. We've all been there. You know the type. Certain people make me want to throw up when they walk into a room. My stomach tightens, my thoughts constrict, and my posture instantly shifts into fighting stance. What we sometimes lose sight of is that those people behave badly because they are unhappy. Unless, of course, they are psychopaths, but that is another post...

I think back on my experiences in the workplace and I don't believe we can affect change in another person unless they want to be changed. So, maybe the kindest way to deal with a difficult co-worker is to detach?  Easier said than done, but a worthy goal.

Maybe you don't want to be kind to a difficult co-worker? I understand. Some people are really begging for a slapdown. Still, a negative reaction to a negative action IS a double negative. That can't be good, and although everyone else in the office would cheer you on if you want to kick the difficult co-worker's ass, Human Resources won't. Can't.  And then your supervisor will have to haul you into her office to give you hell even though she was secretly cheering you on, too.

It seems like we do ourselves AND that difficult co-worker no favor if we allow them to drag us down into that miserable snake pit for troubled souls. Been there, done that. If we allow other people to change us for the worse then we are complicit in their bad behavior.

So maybe my sweet Momma was right when she said it was usually best to walk away from a fight?  Why am I only listening to her advice now, when I am 64 years old and she has been dead for a year and a day? I wish I knew.

For what it is worth, I say let the negativity stay with the difficult co-worker. Detach, with compassion if you possibly can. There is always a reason someone is "difficult." Hey, it might make you smarter trying to figure it out. But the next time s/he complains about how much she hates her job, her boss, or the company she works for, be a pal and encourage her to find a different job. Then everyone wins.


Next:  Part II, Supervising a difficult co-worker

8 comments:

  1. The funny thing is, this woman believes herself to be a great nurse and believes that the department would fall apart without her. She is a Pentecostal Christian and has prayed about the evil that exists in the building and believes God wants her to stay. WTF!

    She pushes all my buttons and I want to be able to stand back and see her with compassion, not to let her do as she pleases but for my own sanity:)

    It's been so nice with her gone.

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    1. Always unpleasant to be stuck working with a judgmental and mean-spirited fanatic of any persuasion. Evil existing in a cancer hospital? In her arrogance she is spreading discord among her co-workers AND doing a half-assed job. Sounds like she'll find that evil if she looks in a mirror. People like her give Christianity a bad name. Last I knew both pride and sloth were two of the seven deadly sins.

      Still, you can have compassion for her. She is a sad person, obviously filled with fear. That must be a terrifying way to exist.

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  2. I once supervised a very difficult young woman... intelligent but very resentful of being expected to actually work; she very openly declared her hatred of me and was instrumental in another employee being fired. More than once I sat her down to explain the reality of how employment works, as she sat and sneered.

    We ran into one another a few years ago; I tried maintaining a discreet distance only to have her march up to me. Bracing myself for more vitriole, I was shocked when she hugged me and thanked me for not giving up on her, and for giving her the skills to succeed in university and her profession as a researcher. It doesn't happen often, but we can make a difference.

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  3. Their anger and meanness has power over us and the only thing that can be done is hope they leave or walk away ourselves. In one case, because of the negativity and the toxic work environment, I found another job and was never happier. Karma came within six months when the company closed (he was one of the partners). Nobody could work with him.

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  4. I have worked with a number of difficult folks over the years. Thankfully, I was in a postion to avoid them. Whenever I wasn't I suggested they look for work elsewhere. Never did any of them leave voluntarily. Great post.

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    1. Many thanks. And yeah, people like that don't really want to leave the job. They enjoy spreading disharmony. They are not just unhappy with the job. They are unhappy in general. My opinion, anyway.

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So, whadayathink?