People become defined by the roles they play. When I retired and moved away, I was stunned by the difference in how I was perceived. When I worked outside the home, I was someone who was noticed by others. People knew what I was capable of. I was liked, admired, feared by some, disliked and disapproved of by others. It was fun for many years. Then it wasn't. I wanted a change. I retired.
When I moved, I had no personal accomplishments to define me. I knew no one, except the people who called me wife, mother, and grandmother. I was still thinking in terms of roles, and those seemed like the only ones I had.
It took me a couple years to get my bearings.
Now I realize retirement is a transformation. Instead of looking outward for approval, I have learned to define myself. Big change.
I'm actually a lot more like I was at 18. Carefree, creatively involved, interested, and curious. I do what I want. I think what I will. It has been a relief to step back and let the world carry on without me.
Change is freakin' hard. But it is the nature of life, so there you go.
"JOSEPH CAMPBELL: If you follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. Wherever you are -- if you are following your bliss, you are enjoying that refreshment, that life within you, all the time."
Change #3,427, Now I take pictures of alligators.
Yes! I love this, Colette. Retirement is an awakening. When I retired, I bought a camera and a whole new world opened up for me. I had forgotten about Joseph Campbell's advice, and yet I've been following it for years. I'm glad you are on the track of bliss, my friend.
ReplyDelete"Retirement is an awakening." I love that.
DeleteExactly! You described it perfectly. I am enjoying my quiet, peaceful life. I am free to do or not do as I wish. Retirement is my reward for being so busy earlier in my life.
ReplyDeleteIt's the big payoff. I'm happy to hear you are also enjoying it.
DeleteI worked in a very public position in local government and was routinely accosted in grocery stores, parks, etc. not for outward approval but for criticism. I am immensely enjoying my current retired anonymity. Some change is very, very delightful.
ReplyDeleteI'm so happy to hear you are enjoying your retirement, 8thday.
DeleteFrom the time I was thirty I was in jobs that made me recognizable by some, and hailed by them one way or another. I'd never thought of my various careers in that light.
ReplyDeleteJoanne, your blog presence makes you recognizable, admired, and hailed by so many of us. It's your nature to be admired. Your strength is tangible.
DeleteFor me retirement was a series of adjustments. I still dream I am working, just like I still dream I am smoking, so I guess the old life doesn't want to die. I enjoy the smoking, but not the working. Not working means no deadlines, so putting things off seems like freedom. But putting things off also seems like depression. Like you I'm still trying to figure things out.
ReplyDeleteI hear you. I "try" to limit myself to one day a week (Sunday, of course) when I only do what I want - which is usually a day sitting at my computer feverishly researching genealogy. Okay, maybe I snack all day, too. Maybe I drink too much wine that night. It feels so good to "waste" an entire day putting everything else off. So my greedy self wants more the next day. And then the next day. I really have to limit myself to one day a week of total freedom. I can't handle more than that. I was never a smoker, but I'm a big fan of eating and drinking. Giving myself one day a week for self indulgence is like a diet where you allow yourself to eat dessert one day a week. Something to look forward to. But when I do that every day, I get unhealthy and obese. My preferred mode of being, perhaps, but it makes me miserable in the long run. I come from a long line of overweight alcoholics. My genes wonder what the Hell I'm doing when I rein myself in. Living is a constant struggle, isn't it? Sheesh. Still, on a day where I do more than one thing, when I behave myself, I feel like a million dollars. I'm trying to become addicted to feeling good. I'm not there yet, but who knows?
DeleteThanks for the comment, it really made me think. In this post, I said change is freakin' hard. In truth, life is freakin' hard. One has to be a hero to get through it all. I want to be a hero. Funny thought. Will we ever figure this stuff out?
Since I retired, I have struggled with the idea that I need to be productive some how or I am just wasting time. It has taken me a while to let my self be "lazy" - just reading books or playing solitaire or coloring. Just treats for me, I don't have to be busy all of the time! I am starting to like that!
ReplyDeleteI've said it before and I'll say it again. Productivity is overrated. I kind of think retired people need purpose more than productivity.
Delete"Carefree, creatively involved, interested, and curious." But you've missed out one important factor: Wealthier! Thus able to to pursue these seductive alleyways without thoughts of cost.
ReplyDeleteNo doubt you think it's crass of me to bring up this point.
Actually, I had more disposable income when Tom and I were still working. I don't think it's crass to consider that.
DeleteI look forward to retirement because there is so much I like doing that I can't fit in now, but I try to stay active and creative even while working so that it won't need to be a reinvention of myself.
ReplyDeleteIt's the good fight! I'm tipping my hat to you.
DeleteSo there is hope for me yet? I'm glad.
ReplyDeleteAlways.
DeleteI don't even like the word. I know it's coming but I am not ready yet.
ReplyDeleteI realize I need a plan, a hobby, a passion before then. I am still trying to figure out what I want to do. It'll come but I feel myself digging my heels in just a little.