An alligator kind of day.

We have company visiting from NYS, so we took them on the wildlife drive at Lake Apopka. We saw 65 alligators, which was fun for all. Here are some of them. Happy New Year!

Just the tail

Oh fudge!

I'll be making fudge this year. I usually don't. However, it's been a year that requires some indulgence at the end, so here I go. Usually these "fudge" Christmases are the beginning of a long spiral into sugar induced weight gain. Oh well. 

My father used to make fudge at Christmas when I was young.  He made the old fashioned kind you'll find the recipe for on a cocoa tin. The only way to get it to set is to beat it until your arms fall off. I simply don't have the strength to make that kind of fudge, even though it is my favorite.  

My Grandmother made divinity each year, and peanut butter fudge. She loved sweets, and she would make up little boxed presents full of these amazing candies for all her grandchildren each year. She was a wonder. I wish I had spent more time with her, instead of growing up and running wild. When you are young you think your friends are the be all and end all, but as you age you realize it was your family who mattered most. Too late, since they are all gone now. Instead, we are left with their recipes. If I could raise them from the dead or invoke their spirit by recreating their fudge I would! But of course, I cannot.  

All those old candies required a candy thermometer (aka, actual candy making skills), and although I once owned one, I no longer do. I opt for simpler fudge. But fudge it be!  

Merry Christmas!  

Oh (pint-sized) Christmas Tree

I started baking for the holidays today. I've been going to bed each night for a week vowing to start the very next day, and then I don't. It was getting ridiculous.

Yesterday I forced myself to put up a tree. It's small and super cute. I suppose I should decorate the mantle. I've been saving and framing Christmas cards of madonnas or angels for decades, and I put them up each year.  Lots of fine art and gold frames. They make me happy. It's like eating comfort food, only it is a visual feast. Okay, I have convinced myself. I'll do it tomorrow. I'm almost sure of it.

I'll wait to clean until just before the holiday. If I start now, I'll just have to do it again. Ha! I'm only partially kidding.  

I'm not gonna lie, 2024 has been a hard year for me and mine. I'm trying to be strong, to be good, to rise above the fray. I can do that. But still, there is a simmering anger lurking below the surface. An ache, a wish for kindness and compassion. There's not much of that in this hard and callous world. 

I struggle, wondering if I have not been kind enough myself, or if I have been too weak to be truly kind? What is the right balance? How much courage and character is required to be kind? I guess it has to start with me. At 73, I don't have all that much time left for bullshit.  

I look forward to Christmas being over, and the new year to begin.  There WILL be resolutions.  

A small light in the darkness