I started baking for the holidays today. I've been going to bed each night for a week vowing to start the very next day, and then I don't. It was getting ridiculous.
Yesterday I forced myself to put up a tree. It's small and super cute. I suppose I should decorate the mantle. I've been saving and framing Christmas cards of madonnas or angels for decades, and I put them up each year. Lots of fine art and gold frames. They make me happy. It's like eating comfort food, only it is a visual feast. Okay, I have convinced myself. I'll do it tomorrow. I'm almost sure of it.
I'll wait to clean until just before the holiday. If I start now, I'll just have to do it again. Ha! I'm only partially kidding.
I'm not gonna lie, 2024 has been a hard year for me and mine. I'm trying to be strong, to be good, to rise above the fray. I can do that. But still, there is a simmering anger lurking below the surface. An ache, a wish for kindness and compassion. There's not much of that in this hard and callous world.
I struggle, wondering if I have not been kind enough myself, or if I have been too weak to be truly kind? What is the right balance? How much courage and character is required to be kind? I guess it has to start with me. At 73, I don't have all that much time left for bullshit.
I look forward to Christmas being over, and the new year to begin. There WILL be resolutions.
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| A small light in the darkness |
Your post reminded me to take some butter out of the freezer. I've done some baking but still have a couple more things to make, including a bourbon pecan pie. I've never made one, so I thought I'd give it a try.
ReplyDeleteHaving a five year old in the house certainly makes me feel more festive, otherwise, meh.
It's the little kids that really make Christmas memorable for me. But a bourbon pecan pie might be just as good.
DeleteStop being so hard on yourself! From what I have seen you are very kind. If you feel you have not lived up to your standards maybe you could pick one do-able kindness project and perfect it next year.
ReplyDeleteThank you, I will.
DeleteThe tree is a cute one. And I admire your dedication to the holiday spirit.
ReplyDeleteI just looked from afar (i.e. the other side of the planet) at my daughter's plastic tree and she sighed that she will have to hold on to it for 20 years to balance its carbon footprint.
My mother used to bake a full repertoire of xmas cookies with furious determination every year and never ate any of it. I just made one lot this year and its now sitting in small bags to be handed around to whoever calls.
The furious determination of Christmas cookie baking is well known in my family. I'm trying very hard to cede that frenzy to my daughter.
DeleteWe are all in this together! I think people are still pretty decent, at least to folks they don't know. Relatives are a tougher matter. Let go, put it down, walk on. I think you are kind and thoughtful.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Joanne. I'm walking.
Delete"Pick one do-able kindness project". That sounds like good advice.
ReplyDeleteIt does!
DeleteThanksgiving was so late this year that we, too, are very late with Christmas doings. Our tree is up but so are the pumpkins and cornucopias : ) *sigh*
ReplyDeleteHaving read a lot of historical fiction, I have come to realize that there has always been evil and greed, poverty and suffering. It can be very depressing. But there has also been goodness and compassion. It seems to be an eternal struggle. I don't know the answers, but I do like the quote "In a world where you can be anything, be kind."
PS - Love your tree !
Good quote!
DeleteTime flies by and I wonder where the days have gone. Christmas is next week and I have lots to do but it always gets done more or less and everyone has fun. It will be over before we know it. You are a kind and thoughtful person, Colette, and we need that now.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Ellen!
DeleteNice tree! For what it's worth, I've been struggling lately too, and also feel that angry edge, both in the world and within myself. I don't like it. It doesn't feel like me. Maybe the Russians are putting something in our water? :)
ReplyDeleteIt's a mean time for humans. We seem to be devolving. It worries me.
DeleteThere is the saying that it costs nothing to be kind. Be kind to yourself also, Colette. We are living in a harsh world but there is still much kindness in it.
ReplyDeleteThank you!
DeleteWe may very well have the same style tree. Mine is out, but sits naked atop the table. Tonight is the night, I think. ;-)
ReplyDeletePretty tree.
One day, one step. Kindly, middle girl