So, how do I fit in?

My husband became a great-grandpa again. His granddaughter S had a baby boy. He's a beauty, just like his 2 year old sister, CH. I claim these children as my great-grandchildren, too. After all, his daughter R is the half-sister of our daughter, M. Is that presumptuous of me? 

We've had this beautiful family in our lives since 2017, when Tom took a DNA test and he and R found each other. It was epic, wonderful, full of grace.  

I struggle, though. Not the wicked stepmother struggle of "what does this take from my family with him," because it takes nothing away. Love isn't a pie to be divided. Love expands. If you open your heart to it, love will fill you up like a balloon.

My struggle is trying to figure out my place. R was adopted at birth and she had a good parents. Her children had grandparents they loved. I can't be what I never was. However, if you can't be one thing, then you can be another. Even if you have to make it up as you go along. It's all good. 

Recently I found an old picture of her biological mother. I was surprised when the picture made me sad. Why did it make me sad? Because it looks like R has her birth mother's mouth. I want her to look like me! Ha! I'm a silly old woman.  

I made a quilt for H. It's not a treasured crib quilt. It's a lay-it-down-on-the-floor and get it dirty kind of quilt. I hope the first time he rolls over he does so on this quilt. 

If Robbie had moved to South Bend in the mid-1960s

Blogger friend Roderick "Robbie" Robinson left a provocative comment on my last post. It inspired me to imagine what might have happened if he moved to South Bend, Indiana in the mid-1960's.  Instead, he spent a few of those years in Pittsburgh trying to figure out what this America thing was all about.  

South Bend was smaller, but still akin to Pittsburg then; industrial and gloriously ethnic. Had you moved to SB in the mid-1960s, Robbie, you might have hung out at bars my Dad frequented. He could be charming or he could be loutish. Totally up to you. But he would have initially tried to befriend you. And if some lunkhead made fun of you for being a "foreigner" he would have had your back. Seriously, he would have thrown the first punch.  

Dad often brought home people from other countries who had interesting accents. Sometimes he brought them home in the middle of the night. There might be singing. My personal favorite was the Irishman who told us about leprechauns. Dad would have put on music that he thought you MUST hear, like "Cleanhead's Back in Town" by Eddie Vinson. Perhaps you and he would have sang together? Unlikely, but this IS my fantasy. And if you had told him how you liked classical music, he would have listened with an ear to hear.  

He might have had you eat kielbasa with his Polish friends, or goulash with the Hungarians at the South Side Democratic Club. Certainly you and your wife would have joined my parents at a local joint for a Friday night fish fry.  

My Kentucky-born grandfather would have distrusted you, of course, but he might have taken you pistol shooting at the gravel pit. Or shown you his mermaid tattoo, or the American Eagle imprinted across his chest. He would have certainly taken you in his basement to show you how he made his own bullets, really an interesting process. Grandma would have made you Southern fried chicken with mashed potatoes and gravy, and fried corn as the side. 

Well, that was fun. If only you hadn't moved to Pittsburgh instead.

Intersection of South Bend's Michigan and Jefferson Streets, 1968. Photo credit to Lou Szabo.

A formative trip, 1961

My parents took the following pictures in 1961. The family was on the road, moving from South Bend, Indiana to Seattle, Washington where my father had taken a job as a tool and die maker at Boeing. The trip was 2,225 miles by station wagon. What an adventure it was for my parents and the five children jammed into that car! We stopped along the way at Yellowstone National Park, a memorable event.

I'm not sure where this was taken, but it might have been Wyoming.  

When we stayed at Yellowstone, the bears were pretty bold about eating from the cabin garbage cans.

On the road, we often stopped to take pictures of wildlife, like these Elk Moose calves drinking from a creek.  

And this one below showing a road that had been tunneled through a mountain.  

I was 10 years old when this trip was taken, but it remains vivid in my mind. In some ways that trip formed me. Coming from the corn belt, the flatlands, this was my introduction to the magnificence and natural beauty of the United States.  

This was the first time I saw my parents take pictures of landscapes and animals, and they were so excited about everything we saw. That made a strong impression on me. My childhood was transformed by this trip and this move. Although we ended up moving back to Northern Indiana only 3 years later, some changes were permanent.

How much drama is really enough?

I went to Tampa last week to serve as a chaperone for granddaughter E's high school theater troupe at the 2022 Florida Thespian Festival. 

I knew there would be lotsa drama, but sheesh! It was one thing after another. I can't bring myself to recount the technical problems, endless emotions, REAL highs, and REAL lows yet. Too soon. 

There are 49 students in E's troupe. Festival organizers were expecting 9,000 students to attend over 4 days of endless events. There were two large locations, and trolleys to take people back and forth to events. 

E played dramatic lead in a small one-act play that received "top honors" in that category. Some of her friends competed for voice, costume design, technical expertise, and set design. So much talent!

The large group, mainstage musical was presented at Tampa's Morsani Hall, which seats 2,610. It was jam packed with theater crazed teenagers who really knew how to "voice" their appreciation. Best audience ever! One of the other chaperones said it best when she quipped "They finally got the audience they deserve." 

E played the risqué grandmother with panache. She's always been one to steal the show with comic timing and outrageous theatrics. Can I tell you that she got the most applause at the curtain call? Because she did. It was deafening. They loved her and she loved them. She dazzled, throwing ostentatious kisses that would make Gloria Swanson proud! She pointed at the crowd and threw her arms up in the air waving "come hither" towards herself for more applause. The audience went wild.

The mainstage musicals were not a competition. They already competed last fall at district competitions, and only a handful of musicals were chosen from throughout the state to perform at the festival. Being one of those performances was the award. I'm glad. Lack of rivalry enabled the many troupes to mingle, support each other, and enjoy the moment.  

I'm so happy I went. I love that young woman.

Down on the ground.

I try to remain positive. Unfortunately, I'm down. I'm really down. Who isn't?

Of course there is a war taking place that is so critical, so important. If Valdemort is allowed to win the entire world loses. It feels like Star Wars, y'all! And that half of my country with their heads up their asses are whining about the price of gasoline. 

There are still people who don't believe in climate change, for crying out loud!  These are the things that keep me up at night, worrying on behalf of those who are too shortsighted to worry.

In addition, right now there are a number of "issues" with people I love in my large extended family. A death, legal battles, harsh realities limiting young people's options, unhappiness, struggle, drug addiction, alcoholism, emotional pain. You know what I mean. I'm not the only one. It seems like the more people you have in your life, the more possibilities there are for both great love and crippling heartache. 

Empathy! That gut feeling which, left uncontrolled, will lead to compassion, thoughtfulness, and caring. The revelatory fire that increases intelligence, insight, and ties us to our fellow humans.  

Opening your heart to love can seem like an act of courage in hard times. It is, but I do so want to be brave.

Troubles in the blogosphere

I am unable to comment on other people's blogs now.  I am also unable to reply to comments on my blog. WTH?

I know nothing

I don't know, do you?  Probably not.  It's all so freakin' complicated. 

In all seriousness, what is wrong with so many people in this world?  People who litter, refuse to wear masks, won't recycle, really, really want to believe the lies of thugs and tyrants, don't believe in science, want all the power and money for themselves, try to hide historical truths, blah, blah, blah.  I'm so tired of stupidity, hatefulness, and meanness of spirit.   

I think Western leaders have been brilliant with their unified front and kick ass sanctions against the evil one.  But I hate that once again, their brilliance and ability to act as a unified force for good is sidetracked by those who would destroy the world for their own gain.  

Yesterday's New York Times was filled with war news.  Halfway down there was a small article that caught my attention.  It should have been the top story, dammit!  

https://www.nytimes.com/2022/02/28/climate/climate-change-ipcc-un-report.html?action=click&module=Well&pgtype=Homepage&section=Climate%20and%20Environment

Today, again half way down, was this:  

https://www.nytimes.com/2022/03/01/climate/ipcc-climate-scientists-strike.html?action=click&module=Well&pgtype=Homepage&section=Climate%20and%20Environment

What the Hell?  And I do mean Hell, because this power grab in the Ukraine smells like a lake of burning sulfur.  

P.S. After posting this, I find I can no longer comment on other people's posts.  Please know I'm reading your posts!  What a world.  

Volunteering for love

Granddaughter E is an actress. Anything related to the theatre is her passion, as natural to her as breathing. Her specialty is comedy, but she can perform any role well. It is her gift.

Her high school troupe won the district thespian competitions for a musical and a dramatic play. They are going to the Florida High School Thespian Festival to compete later this spring. She has a meaty comedic role in the musical. She is the dramatic lead in the play.  

My daughter, her mother, asked if I wanted to go with her to the festival to serve as a chaperone for 4 days and 3 nights. That's a long damn time! Of course I said yes, even though I've been dreading it like the plague ever since I said yes. I don't really like to spend days away from my husband. Also, chaperoning busloads of high school Theatre Geeks will be "challenging." They are so ... dramatic.  

However, the chance to spend time as three generations of women is irresistible. 

I know I'll get on their nerves.  I look forward to writing about it.

She's unique, and she shines brightly

Reluctance

This month our grandson N turns 10 years old. I started this blog 10 years ago while I was babysitting for his older sister while their parents were in the hospital attending to his birth.  

His older sister, E, was 8 years old when N was born. She had been the only child for a long time, and did NOT want a sibling. She wasn't interested in babies. The whole pregnancy hoopla annoyed her. When asked to help come up with a name, she offered "Toilet" as a possibility.  

When I got the call that N had been born, I wandered into Eislinn's room to tell her.  She was playing on the floor with her fanciful little characters. I gleefully announced, "N was just born!" She glanced up with a sour look and softly dismissed me with "I'm busy." 

She came around in the fullness of time.  The two of them are quite close despite the 8 years difference in age.  

At first...

And eventually...

Toil and Trouble

Ragu Bolognese! It took forever, probably because I followed a recipe. 

I began by transforming pancetta and garlic into a smooth paste. Because I live in the modern world I used a food processor. I fried the paste in butter (!) until the fat was rendered and the metamorphosis complete. I chopped the Holy Trinity (celery, onion, and carrot) gloriously fine, and added that mishmash to the cauldron*. Damn, my friends - I was cookin'! I was turning base materials into gold.

When the veggie/fat seemed utterly transfigured, I plopped in a pound each of ground beef and pork. Fifteen minutes of chanting** browned the meat evenly. I imposed my will with a wooden spoon, chopping and hacking to break it into small pieces. 

I added wine, a pinch of nutmeg, salt, and whole milk. Well, I didn't actually have whole milk, so I used my fearsome powers to turn half and half and a little skim milk into whole. Don't judge me. For a few uncanny moments I feared I didn't have nutmeg. After ransacking the spice rack, I found it. Or maybe I materialized it? Who knows?

Meanwhile, on the other side of the stove I heated stock into which I dissolved tomato paste and puree. I folded the red liquid into the meat, bringing the heat up until it bubbled and spit. I covered the pot, lowered the heat, and simmered the whole mess for a few hours. I degreased the sauce once even though the recipe didn't ask me to. I just had to. 

Before serving, I melted in two more tablespoons of the Philosopher's stone*** and added 20 turns of ground pepper. That's what the recipe asked for, 20 turns. I obeyed.  

*pot

**swearing 

***butter