Playing the roles

People become defined by the roles they play. When I retired and moved away, I was stunned by the difference in how I was perceived. When I worked outside the home, I was someone who was noticed by others. People knew what I was capable of. I was liked, admired, feared by some, disliked and disapproved of by others. It was fun for many years. Then it wasn't. I wanted a change.  I retired.

When I moved, I had no personal accomplishments to define me. I knew no one, except the people who called me wife, mother, and grandmother. I was still thinking in terms of roles, and those seemed like the only ones I had. 

It took me a couple years to get my bearings.   

Now I realize retirement is a transformation. Instead of looking outward for approval, I have learned to define myself. Big change.

I'm actually a lot more like I was at 18. Carefree, creatively involved, interested, and curious. I do what I want. I think what I will. It has been a relief to step back and let the world carry on without me. 

Change is freakin' hard.  But it is the nature of life, so there you go.

"JOSEPH CAMPBELL: If you follow your bliss, you put yourself on a kind of track that has been there all the while, waiting for you, and the life that you ought to be living is the one you are living. Wherever you are -- if you are following your bliss, you are enjoying that refreshment, that life within you, all the time."

Change #3,427, Now I take pictures of alligators. 

Our cat is a goofball

That new cat we have, Murray, is a total goofball. Perhaps even a knucklehead. We are really enjoying him. Except in the middle of the night when he sneaks up the middle of the bed to sleep right next to our faces, and then scratches my toes and feet in revenge for moving him down to the foot of the bed. Actually, I think he assumes I'm playing with him when I move my feet.  

Can cats be trained?

Dream a little dream of me

I am in awe of the unconscious mind. I'm specifically thinking about dreams right now, but I could also be referring to unresolved emotional themes that drive me inelegantly through life. And, of course, there are the triggers that upset me, or those lovely gut feelings one gets when something feels right, or wrong.  

I am inclined to daydreams and wonder. I've often thought the creative imagination connects us to the divine. Whatever that is. 

Consequently, I admire the endless stream of dreams my unconscious mind (UM) provides each night. What a gifted storyteller it is, and it never runs out of ideas or new material.  

SpaceX launch

 I was lucky enough to get a (grainy) shot of the SpaceX launch last week.  It was uncanny.  

2 years

Two years ago today I had surgery to repair my busted knee cap. Time really does fly. We celebrated by going on an 8 mile bike ride.  

I would guess I'm about 96% back to normal. This is likely the best I can hope for, and I am NOT complaining.  I'll never run up and down stairs again, but would I want to?  

I am still awed and humbled by the human body's desire to heal, as best as it can.  As best it can.

Just sayin'

In 1968, one of my teenage friends had an abortion with a back alley abortionist. It was on the hush hush, as these things were done back then. My friend went to the non-medical abortion provider's house after dark, had a procedure, and was given a special tea to drink until the fetus passed. The passing actually happened the next day in our high school's girl's bathroom.

The woman who conducted the abortion was not a doctor, nor was she educated or a woman of means. However, in those mean, dark days this is how she made her living. My friend was lucky, the abortion provider actually did a good job.

Mark my words: We’ll see more non-medical women providing this service for other women as legal abortions are harder to find. This is the reality of overturning Roe vs Wade. Women won't stop having abortions, they will simply stop going to doctors for them.

We have a cat!

For most of our marriage we have co-existed with at least one cat. Our last one, Buddy, died 5 years ago. We decided then to forego getting another animal. As much as we love cats, we were happy with that decision.  

Our daughter and her family have 4 cats (!). One, Murray, is the alpha male. He doesn't tolerate other cats well. It created a stressful environment for all. Murray needs to be an only cat. He would prefer being pampered, spoiled, and admired above all others. Me, too.

Somewhat reluctantly, we agreed to take him in. It was definitely a rescue, but not of Murray. Our taking him rescued the 3 other cats. We just got him last night. He is still scared and traumatized by the change. He's in hiding.

My husband is the Pied Piper of cats. They all love him, and he loves them. I trust his judgment and approach to winning Murray over, which is to give the cat time and space. There is also some baby talk, treats, and petting. It's a start. 

When we went to bed last night Murray was underneath. I was totally cognizant there were now three "people" in the house. It was a good feeling.  

Mid-August Florida Photos

 We went to the Oakland Nature Preserve for a lovely walk in the woods the other day.  Here are some of the things we saw.

fruit of a cypress tree

new growth

clouds reflected in water that was disturbed

interesting tree limb with Spanish moss

water accumulating on a taro leaf (not native to 
Florida, invasive)

butterfly on scarlet hibiscus

beautyberry

peruvian primrosewillow -  not native (invasive)

not a good photo of a vulture,
but the best I could do considering
it was a sunny day and I had to 
use my largest zoom lens AND 
crop the result.  I need a super duper
lens like so many other old people 
use for taking pictures of birds

Anna Maria Island

Tom and I are back from vacation with our daughter's family on Anna Maria Island. It sits between Tampa and Sarasota on the Gulf Coast.

The rental house had a pool table and a swimming pool. Good thing, because we spent most of our time there. Why?

First, COVID is surging again in Florida. Our moronic governor refuses to do anything intelligent. Ever. The rental house was booked last spring when it looked like things were getting better. We went, knowing we would wear masks and get take-out meals. No surprises there.

Second, Florida's Gulf Coast is experiencing red tide. Although the local media claims it isn't "that" bad at Anna Maria Island, it smelled and made us cough when we were near the beach. I walked to a tiki bar near the water the first day and my chest hurt all evening from coughing. So, we didn't go near the beach after that.  

Beach towns and rental houses have their own kitsch, which I enjoy. Sadly, Anna Maria Island locals have allowed greedy developers to build, build, build. When we drove onto the island from Brandenton, I was shocked at the sprawl. I couldn't help but wonder what a civilized country might have done with an island?

I know this sounds negative, but we actually enjoyed ourselves. It was fun to get away and spend time with family. We are all used to being inside by now. It was just fun to be inside someplace new for a while. 

 

Play Date

My daughter delivered four wild 9-year old boys with McDonalds Happy Meals at 1:30 p.m the other day. 

We had two craft options. After loudly discussing the merits of each, they voted. They chose the hardest. With dread, Tom and I read the instructions. By then, the boys were in their swimming trunks and out the back door to the pool. 

They swam, cannonballed, thrashed, splashed, and pushed each other into the pool for nearly 2 hours. Elaborate water tag rules were invented, bellowed, and disregarded. Tom, wise and silent like all good lifeguards, sat sentinel.  

I tried to mind my own business, but had to announce our no hitting rule when Connor hit Blake over the head with a pool noodle. And when I heard Micah scream, I reminded Niko that the rubber Disney swords hurt when you slapped them onto someone's arm.  

After swimming, they frosted and decorated cupcakes. I taught them the M&M technique: frost a cupcake and then immediately plunge the top into a bowl of mini M&M's. The result being an encrusted delight. They consumed ungodly amounts of sugar. What did I care?  

They played hide and go seek out back, through the house, and out the front door. Eventually, they decided they were hungry again. This time they wanted hot dogs and french fries, which I dutifully made. They played video games, and only ate the french fries.

I was at the computer when all four marched in. Niko said "Grandma, can we jump on your bed?" I said, "No." Niko said, "Please?" I said, "No." Niko said, "Please, please, PLEASE?" I said "No." 

"Awwww" he replied unhappily as they marched back out.